Upholstered Words

Comfy upholstery

The other day I was relating a dream and referred to a figure in it as “well upholstered”. The words came up out of the word banks in the back of my mind, and even as I said them I wondered how they would be received. Indeed my partner reacted to them, both as they seemed unusual, and for implications that they carried.

I got to watch the excuses come up. I wasn’t talking about a real person. I was actually trying to avoid other words and other issues. I don’t know where I picked up the phrase, but it’s just part of the English language. I’m just trying to convey something using an existing language. While true, none of these is really the point. The point is: what words serve me best in communicating with another human being?

Considering later, I realized once again that verbal communication is complex and subtle. Unexamined there can be collateral affects that may or may not serve me or the relationship in which I’m communicating. It seems important to bring words into alignment with true intent.

While my choice of words often seems automatic, done mostly by habit and on a sort of auto-pilot, without much conscious consideration, some level of my self, or some old program, is continually selecting among various options and possible phrases, expressions, or specific words. There is quite a collection stored away from books read, conversations heard, or engaged in, moves seen. It is an interesting inquiry to ask what aspect of me is selecting among all these? Which level of my being has the microphone?

This is not to add layers of judgement, but to be honest with myself, and others, about what I really want to say at any given time. Sometimes there is an emotional impetus under the surface wanting to come out. Even when its not about something that I’m wanting to keep to myself, I often find that I am using convoluted ways of saying things rather than stating them simply and straight forwardly.

When I stop and consider what the real point is to a question or statement, it seems the spoken words are misleading or confusing, that I am asking something tangentially, hoping the other person will somehow give me the answer I want in spite of my lack of clarity. There is rarely a good reason not to cut to the point rather than circling around it. Its not even about being truly polite, but an old habit of politeness, or more likely some fear of offending.

The literal meaning of a word or phrase is like the frame of a chair. This is wrapped in emotional connotations and visual images, the upholstery and fabric of the chair. Finally they are delivered with a tone, expression and energy that may be a whole new layer making the same words feel warm and fuzzy or hard and biting.

Language is a living evolving web and we *are* responsible for how we use it. This is not about being right, or politically correct, but about being effective and true to our own core intentions. This can best be done by consciously observing how we use words, listening to feedback that indicates we have used words that misrepresent our intentions, and over time cultivating a vocabulary that serves our soul’s expression, rather than being a reuse of other peoples phrases that are repeated without examination, just because they are there.

© 11/2015

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Breathing Into Life

Breathing Life

Being comfortable, ground. Give yourself a slow, deep, breath. Relaxing, the exhale naturally releases. Follow another breath into the lungs and through the lungs into the rest of the body. Feel the belly expand and gently contract. Feel the pelvis open to receive each breath. Notice expansion down your legs and out along your arms as well.

Breathing, easily and effortlessly, just follow it with your attention. On this breath keep your attention in your body as the exhale moves outward. Notice that the energy of the breath, the life force, chi, ki, prana, continues to expand, outwards from the lungs. Drop into a sense of receptivity, of the body opening to receive each breath.

Notice where there is spaciousness, and where any place is heavy, contracted, resistant. As the lungs expand is there tension anywhere in them, or around them. Gently allow the breath to expand into the tension. Gently bring the breath into all of your being. Never force, but offer persitantly.

Focus your awareness with gentle curiosity on a specific place that is resisting the breath, and allow yourself to feel the edge of any emotions that arise there. Is there fear, sadness, anger? Notice if it pushes you away, if there is a hesitancy to even being aware of this place in yourself? Whatever is there, whatever arises, keep breathing easily and deeply, bathing your whole body, including this place, in life force.

Let each breath be a soothing caress, allowing whatever is present to have space to be. Intend that any tension relaxes, is carried away on the next out-breath, or surfaces to the skin and expands outwards from the body. Let it dissipate easily and effortlessly. There is nothing to do, just awareness and gentle compassion.

Releasing Stones Meditation

Being comfortable, ground.
Give yourself a slow, deep, breath.
Relaxing, the exhale naturally releases.
Follow another breath into the lungs
and through the lungs into the rest of the body.
Feel the belly expand and gently contract.
Feel the pelvis open to receive each breath.
Notice expansion down your legs and out your arms.

Breathing, easily and effortlessly,
follow each breath with your attention.
On this breath keep your attention in your body
as the exhale moves outward.
Notice that the energy of the breath continues to expand,
outwards from the lungs.
Drop into a sense of receptivity,
the body opening to receive each breath.

Notice where there is spaciousness,
where any place is heavy, contracted, resistant.
As the lungs expand is there tension anywhere in them, or around them.
Gently allow the breath to infuse into the tension.
Gently bring the breath into all of your being.
Never force, but offer persistently.

Feeling spaciousness,
find a specific place that is resisting the breath
bring awareness with gentle curiosity to it.
Allow yourself to feel the edge of any emotions that arise there.
Notice if it pushes you away,
if there is a hesitancy to even being aware of this place in yourself?
Whatever is there, whatever arises, keep breathing easily and deeply,
bathe the whole body, including this place, in life force.

Notice any judgments that are making this place,
the emotional feelings, or yourself wrong in any way.
Let these go into an out breath, or ground them into the earth.

Let each breath be a soothing caress,
allowing whatever is present to have space to be.
Intend that any tension relaxes,
is carried away on the next out-breath,
surfaces to the skin and releases outwards from the body.
Let it dissipate easily and effortlessly.
There is nothing to do,
just breath with awareness and gentle compassion.

Releasing and opening,
relax into your Self.
Find the spaciousness and life force,
the comfort and joy of your Being.

When you feel complete for now,
gently come back to your body,
open your eyes and go have a cup of hot chocolate.

Notice any judgements that are making this place, the emotional feelings, or yourself wrong in any way. Let these go into an out breath, or ground them into the earth.
Noticing the urges from the mind to get busy in various ways. Serving or not-serving these urges are all a response to the discomfort and fear, a subtle part of the resistance.

Breathing seems an easy thing. We all do it continually, waking or sleeping. We also limit our breath, limit our awareness of our breath. This protects places that we are holding anxiety, anger, sadness or judgement. Bringing our breath to them, we bring our attention, creating space for whatever is held to surface, expand and finally release. We resist breathing fully because we resist waking things up.

Some things will only show up under specific circumstances. Topical fears may be potential until a situation triggers them. Breathing into them and allowing your body to feel the fear, release it like a static charge. If you like, watching the pictures as they surface you can find out what was behind/underlying a limitation. Notice what activities are used to avoid it. This is not necessary, but it can be surprising and empowering to realize the usually unseen dynamics.

Breathing with awareness; learning that fear is just a sensation in the body allows the body to relax and release it. Gently bringing breath into places that it has been kept out of by tension, is a great way to clear what we are holding. You will never loose something that you really need, that truly serves you. Releasing and opening is relaxing into your Self where you will the find spaciousness and life force, comfort and joy of your Being.

(© 11/2015)

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Chains of Love

distorted views

Some years ago I had a conversation with my mother about parenting. She told me straight out that it had been (and still was) her job to make sure I was prepared for surviving in the world. This involved instilling a certain level of fear about money and work. Her love came with certain chains.

We each have our own love languages. Part of hers was to pass along this level of anxiety and fear. We often think of conditioned love in terms of an “I’ll love you if you…” syntax. Her love was conditioned in a different way, a more pervasive way. Her love expressed in part through life lessons of being prepared for the worst. She was modeling that love is conditioned by fear.

As human beings we express the pure Love that we are in Spirit through our personal being. When there are internal inconsistencies, judgements, or other conditions, how clearly can anyone be the love they are, for us or even for themselves? Thus human love generally comes bundled with other things and is therefore limited and conditioned in a specific constellation that is unique for everyone.

Our deepest understanding of love develops very early, when we have little capacity to tease apart the aspects that serve us and the ones that don’t. Later in life we carry these deep, mostly unconscious, chained understandings of love which pattern how we express our own love for ourselves and for others. We may have a clear conscious vision of love, experiences even, but our internal concepts of what love is and how to express it are still mostly complex and patterned.

The conditional love as a sort of quid pro quo, is only one layer of the bundle, that closest to consciousness. There are emotional levels where love is chained with grief, fear, anger. For me the deepest level so far is my own resistance to aspects of the bundled constellation I received. Unable to separate out the different aspects, my resistance was applied to the whole package. I discover that I am in resistance to love itself, as well as the collateral emotions and beliefs. This limits my ability to love myself or receive even unchained love from Spirit or my beloved.

Working with this means recognizing and releasing the aspects of the bundle that aren’t love, but an un-serving form of its expression, especially those that have been internalized to chain oneself. It means recognizing where we express our love in ways that doesn’t really serve us or others. It means feeling any resistance and transforming it. Bringing the patterns into awareness we can clear our being so that our love is less conditioned.

Parents are the first to model love for us. But who modeled love for them? Grandparents. So the constellations have lineages, our chains are a link in a longer chain that passes down the generations. As we clear our own patterns and limiting beliefs, we stop passing them along, we break the chain. Energetically and spiritually I’ve seen that we also clear the patterns going up the lineage. The whole long chain begins to unravel out of the global field.

The work we do for “ourselves” helps to clear the ancestral beings, the family beings, whenever, wherever they are. Learning to tease apart the entangled messages we also are better able to received loving intent, without having to take on any associated energies or patterns. Loves flows more freely, both giving and receiving. Yum

(© 10/2015)

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Harvesting Life

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys
published in Shakti Yogi Journal

“Yonder comes the dawn,
the universe grows green…
the road to the under world is open.”

Tewa Pueblo Song

Standing at the edge of the mesa, I feel into the space in front of me, wanting to soar out into it like the vultures circling effortlessly over the canyon below (Andrews, 200). My spirit body is already flying, while my physical body is expressing the fear it has about separation, or that I might do something as ‘unphysical’ as teleport across to the next mesa. Perhaps my body knows that I could do that, have done that, somewhere, sometime.

vultures

I pull my spirit back, ground into the light red sandstone beneath my feet, and am content to watch the vultures rather than trying to join them today. I play with time and imagination; I reach back to my ancestral peoples who lived and experienced this place. Sliding into an altered state, I intuitively catch the edge of a felt knowing: that they were so connected to the primordial nature of their world that they could live free from thought.

We are all inherently part of the energetic field of life, nature, the world, but the ancestral peoples were more deeply connected to it. I use ceremony to remind myself of what was once innate and instinctual. Wanting to remember this sense of connection, I call it up out of the bones and cells of my body; breath it in from the air, rain, and stone of this ancient land. I open to what I have to let go of to be spacious enough inside my being to allow the memory and understanding I seek to become present. I invoke the transformative quality of the vultures to assist me.

My mind knows from physics that the physical world has the basic properties of wholeness, continuity and flow (Bohm). The fields that describe the quantum nature of physical objects extend throughout all space, blending with each other into a single universal field. The gravitation of relativity has the same properties (Misner, Thorne and Wheeler) There is nothing in modern physics that divides things into parts and pieces. The universe is everywhere connected and continuous; seamlessly joined, without gap or pause. It is only in our minds that we perceive separate objects.

canyons

The ancestral peoples lived in this seamless world, felt it in their being. Being on the mesa, next to the ocean, in the forests or atop mountains, it is easy and safe to open to this ever-present fabric. Dropping inward, I feel for the knowing of connection and continuity that my being holds, opening to the akashic field imprints (Laszlo) that the ancestral people left when they lived here. The spiritual energies of directions, elements, and animal spirits were part of what they breathed and felt all the time. All life was ceremonial and sacred, even when doing the dishes (Hạnh).

It’s clear that my answer is to let go of the mental concepts that break my experience into parts, that separate my experience from the wholeness in which I am inherently embedded. Releasing them, other awareness’ come present and shape my experience; dancing with time and space, here on the edge of the world.

All the spiritual traditions teach us about letting go, emptying out the mind, releasing the natural attachments of the human being. The words vary, but the truth is the same. The yogis teach that to release oneself from the wheel of karma one has to let go of attachment to the outcome of one’s actions. Action is necessary in daily life to complete and release the old energy patterns we call karma. Only by surrendering the outcomes back to the Divine can we avoid creating new patterns and new attachments as we resolve the old ones (Sakar 111). Buddhists speak similarly about non-attachment (Levine). Taoists a thousand years ago taught that we must release intentions to be free (Wong). Castaneda’s Don Juan speaks of the controlled folly of the spiritual warrior (Castaneda 88), in which all things are equal, so while one must choose, what one chooses doesn’t matter.

Knowing that all things are equally part of the whole fabric of being, and still making choices, is controlled folly. This is the wholeness of the quantum field, the gravitational field. At the level of the energy fields that pervade and compose the universe, how can you say that one part is more important than another? If you cut out any piece of it, the whole is diminished, wounded, and incomplete. In the equations this generates harshness and static. The nature of the universe, the dharma of the world itself, is expressed in the feeling of seamless participation that the spirits of those long-ago ancestors tasted and share with me now.

Traveling through southwest Colorado and coming into the harvest season of the year, I wonder about different meanings of harvesting. The ancients knew how to work within the fabric of their world; to clear places for planting seed so that working within nature a harvest could come back to them. They knew how to harvest sustainably, as long as the rains came, and sometimes even after they didn’t (Palmer 62). They studied the effortlessness of the vultures, and opened to effortlessness in their own beings. The T’ai Chi or Taoist master similarly flows with and makes use of the fundamental laws of the world to do the seemingly impossible.

Modern Western culture has come to look at the world as something made of pieces that we can pick up and take home to use for ourselves. We cut the natural fabric apart with our minds and then cut the earth apart with our machines. This goes against the wholeness and continuity of the universe and there are inevitable consequences. Mining the topsoil as well as the mountains, the forests, the water tables, and now the seas, we take things from the world in a non-sustainable way, a way that leaves holes behind, wounds that won’t close, and disrupts the web of life in expanding circles. The consequences may be rapid or slow, but the life-web that sustains us will both unravel and then attempt to correct the imbalances (Brown).

turkey

Here we are at the Equinox, that time of year when things are harvested, when the northern hemisphere moves from a preponderance of yang to a time of yin, from acting to receiving. As human beings we must harvest in some sense; we must feed and clothe ourselves, but we can do it consciously. We can learn the skills to create and to understand, not so we can be better at taking from the world, but so that we can find a new way to move in its flow. We will find the ease of the vulture’s flight and the T chi master’s movements, while ceasing and repairing the wounding of our planet. What is it that we must let go of and empty out, so that we may receive what truly serves both us and the world that supports us? How do we harvest sustainably, rather than mining; live in the flow of life, rather than hoarding death? It is time to shift back into a consciousness of wholeness, of continuity; time to open to the question of how to do this.

We can’t live exactly as the ancestral peoples did in terms of their food, tools, and clothes, but we can open ourselves to remember the wholeness of the world that they knew and experienced. We must do this on all levels of being: physically with crops and resources, learning to harvest sustainably; emotionally and sexually, making love together rather than taking safety or satisfaction from our partners and friends; mentally with our ideas and concepts, so that we may let the thoughts we need flow through our intuition and knowing, and spiritually finding and owning our place again in the web of life [see below].

An outer wholeness and harmony can only come when there is an inner wholeness and harmony. Personal harmony depends on external harmony as well. All the spiritual traditions teach us to let go of the external, but the point is really about reducing the capacity of the external to upset the internal. Living in the world, we become free when, and as, we purify and make whole our internal being. When we are internally whole and continuous (centered and clear), nothing external can upset us.

Changing our relationship to the earth so that we no longer see it only in terms of what it produces or what we can take from it, but as a web of life that we are part of, is integrally based on the shift of consciousness in ourselves. Find the wholeness which lives deeply inside (McAllister); release internal divisions and heal wounds; embrace our internal shadows so that we stop projecting them out in the world. Only as we become whole can we move through the wholeness of the world and soar effortlessly with the vultures.

I release my internal mental images of separation and discontinuity,
the self-judgements and sense of not being enough.
I give these to the vultures.
They will help me purify myself, becoming whole and golden.

References

Andrews, Ted. Animal Speak. Llewellyn Publications, St Paul MN, 1993. Print.
Bohm, David. Quantum Theory. Dover Publications, New York, 1951. Print.
Brown, Tom. The Quest. Berkley Books, NY NY, 1991. Print.
Castaneda, Carlos. A Separate Reality. Pocket Books, NY NY, 1971. Print.
Hạnh, Thích Nhất. The Miracle of Mindfulness. Beacon Press, Boston MA, 1975. Print.
Laszlo, Ervin. Science and the Akashic Field. Inner Traditions, Rochester VT, 2004. Print.
Levine, Stephen. Healing into Life and Death. Anchor Books, NY NY, 1987. Print.
McAllister, Alan. “Listening to Stillness”. Shakti Yogi Journal, Winter 2015. Print & Web. https://www.shaktiyogijournal.com/listen-to-stillness.html
Misner, CW, Thorne, KS , and Wheeler, JA . Gravitation. WH Freeman, San Francisco, 1973. Print.
Palmer, Jennifer. “In Awe of the Amazon”. Shakti Yogi Journal, Summer 2015. Print & Web. https://www.shaktiyogijournal.com/environmental-science-in-awe-of-the-amazon.html
Sakar, PR. The Spiritual Philosophy of Anandamurti. A’nanda Ma’rga Publications. Denver CO. 1981. Print.
Wong, Eva. Nourishing the Essence of Life. Shambhala Publications, Boston, 2004. Print.


Action Steps – use your fabulous imaginations, but here are a few suggestions:

1) Opening to nature: Take time to feel into yourself in nature. Choose a hillside, stream, or tree that draws you in some way. Be present with it, breath into your heart or belly, and open to being in conversation with it. Feel into yourself and notice what you notice. It may be very little, or sometimes profound. Keep curious and practice.
2) Sustainable living, small footprint: Notice where food and other things you consume come from. The less processing or transportation is involved the smaller the footprint. Farmer’s markets are for these reasons besides being organic and tasty. Explore a similar process for clothing and other manufactures.
3) Making Love: Choose a friend or lover to do something with/for: eg. cooking a meal or taking a walk. Take some time to ask how this serves you, them, the field of relationship you create together? Being gentle with yourself, notice and release expectations, fears, or wants. Propose the activity and carrying it out focusing on the field that is created when you are together. Have fun.
4) Receiving answers: Select a topic. Ask yourself what the core question really is. Allow that to percolate. Hold the question in an empty space into which answers can come. Notice how your intellect reacts and set those things to one side. Allow yourself not to know the answer yet. Keep emptying the space, making note of anything that seems particularly useful. Be curious and have fun.
5) Releasing internal judgement: Notice something or someone that annoys you. Let that go (especially if they really are annoying). Ask what this mirrors inside you. What aspect of yourself do you have trouble accepting? This is an internal judgement and separation. Notice the words in your head. Let them go. Notice associated emotions. Let them dissipate. Be gentle. Do not try to fix it. Feel yourself bringing love to it instead.

[© 8/2015]

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Limited Engagement

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Engage aspens

Dreaming: I move into a living room. People are cleaning it in preparation for ceremony. They pull out the sofa, revealing an improbable collection under/behind it. My attention moves forward to engage dust bunnies and other trash, several bongs, and a collection of copper wire geometric shapes. The movement of my attention is a palpable bodily feeling. Shiny or dusty, I am engaged equally and in the same way; to categorize, order, and thus control. Surfacing from the dream the feeling of engagement comes with me and the knowing that I’ve been given an experience of something I’ve been thinking about lately and for many years. How to engage the infinity of the world with my limited self?

We were infants learning to order and understand what we experienced, to organize photons in the eye into pictures in our minds; to sort out our feelings and manage them; to create a sense of ourselves and the world, so we might navigate life safely. We are adults trying to manage and sort through all the information that comes to us, rushing like a flood. Our brains filter much of the physical perceptions before awareness, and when they don’t even sound, sight, touch, and smell can be overwhelming. There are no automatic filters for information. The common lament of the modern world is that there is too much to do, too much information, too many people, all calling for our attention.

Is it really too much, or it is the way our attention is propelled outward seeking to make sense of the world, to order and understand it, that makes it overwhelming?

We look outside as infants, because that’s where our sustenance comes from; where the emotions we live within come from; where the hands that bring us toys or change our diapers come from. We learn to perceive and navigate, and this also pulls our attention outwards. When I move outward and engage a part of me takes on the form of what I engage, an imprint is formed in the substance of my mind; a samskara is created, karma arises. This engagement is what I felt in the dream. Engagement from a sense of need leads to internal separations and a sense of incompleteness. It is a circular story. From infancy on most of us forget that in our deep spiritual selves we are always complete and whole. Distracted and fearful, our minds take on the task of managing our world.

Out of the perceived need to work with overwhelming information come two competing, and possibly complimentary, urges. One is an urge to make things simple, to reduce the scope or depth of information, much as our brains simplify sensory input. We find a simple model of things, and cling to it. The world is experienced in these terms, or rejected. The second impulse is expansive, engaging the world to understand and through understanding make life safe or control it. However, the world is infinite in detail and interconnection. So there is an addictive quality to this expansion. It can never be complete.
Looking at genealogy, it is simple for a few generations. With the internet it extends and expands. Ten generations back (200-300 years) you have 1000 ancestors. Another ten generations and you are up to a million ancesters. Kilobytes to megabytes in half a millennium. It rapidly becomes endless. Each aspect of the world is similar. Even the spices in your kitchen are like this, if you start looking into them in detail, there are always more, and varieties, and seasons, and mixes…

We are driven outward looking for the lost state of wholeness and completion, safety and ease. It feels safer if I have completed something, rather than having loose ends. Books, CDs, people, plants in your garden, tasks, jobs, money; whatever we engage leads to more. The more we learn the less we know, though the mind loves to collect it all. It may attempt to figure out how to limit things, but never really can, and may not want to. Eternal job security. In the movie 1900 a man plays a piano his whole life on a ship, crossing the Atlantic, over and over. The keys on his keyboard are finite and manageable. They allow him to engage the world deeply. But the world itself, off the boat, is too large, to complex, beyond his capacity to manage. So he would rather die than get off.

Managing and limiting our mental engagement with the world is a set up. We never get where we are trying to go. The yogis, saints, and hermits limit all external engagement in order to go inside. To find Source, to remember the original state of wholeness and completion that we all come from. Letting go of worldly engagement they cease to create new imprints and internal separations. Feeling into the mind’s impulses to keep engaging, they let them go too. Coming in touch with their Souls, feeling completeness, they release and clear the old separations and attachments. Reclaiming inner wholeness piece by piece.

So become connected inside and be aware of how we engage. When I know I am whole and complete and so engage differently. I can operate in the moment, engaging just what I need to, or want to, then let it go and move on. Engaging from wholeness we connect with the wholeness in what we engage, spiritual wholeness in the world around us. We engage and then withdraw, equally gracefully. This is what Don Juan is getting at with “controlled folly”. Not about shallow engagement, which is another control mechanism, but fearlessly having a deep quality of engagement, and the releasing it to come home to Self. There is no fear, no driven need, just a soft curiosity.

Recovering our pre-existing inner wholeness we engage in deep but defined and limited ways. Letting the world be itself, without having to collect or control it. We are free.

© 10/2015

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