Giving and Receiving in Relationships

Posted on August 5, 2002 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Between Finite Persons

When we think in terms of the manifest(physical) level of our being and our existence, we often think in terms of limitation. We think that as human beings we have a limited amount of energy, love, or caring, and that if we give some of it to others we have less for ourselves, or that if we give a great deal to one person we have less for everyone else. This is based on the sense of limitation, that there is a finite supply, for us or for a couple or group of people.

In this world of finite people we get into competition very easily. If it is a finite sum game, only so much to go around, then for us to get “ours”, we need to find others to get it from. Many people learn to take from others, either aggressively, or passively. The versions of this sort of relationship are only limited by our creative ability as spirits. We use anger, fear, pity, claims of love, and more to get what we feel we need.

Other people fall into patterns where they give away energy all the time, playing the other side of the game. This may be due to pictures about their lack of power or worth, coupled with the belief that if they give energy, time, care etc. they may get some love or recognition in return. Or perhaps pictures that say sacrifice and service are good, even if we exhaust ourselves. Which ever side we partake of, the dynamics are based on a sense of our own limitation.

Most of us have forgotten how to love ourselves, or to experience the love that God has for us all. We do not remember how to tap into the infinite sources that are part of who we are as spiritual beings, or tap into the Source of us all. We believe that even when we are fortunate enough to be “in love” that this is something that someone else gives to us, that we have to go and find, earn, take, etc. And thus we play various games of giving and receiving.

Between Male and Female

Even in “good” relationships, in which the giving and receiving is roughly balanced, the concept that things are limited is often still there. The traditional relationship picture says that men and women are each limited and incomplete, so they need to pair up to make a whole. The most common arrangement is for the man to handle the survival issues, be the “bread winner”, while the woman handles all the emotions.

As with any partnership where responsibilities are shared, this arrangement may work well, if the roles given to the partners suit them as people, and if they are both comfortable with the division of labor. When there are disagreements, perceived or actual imbalances, or fears arising from the limitation view that lead to efforts at control then the relationship can become a battle ground, with all of the power and competition games that we know how to play. It is somewhat ironic, that while we pair up to “complement each other”, due to awareness of our province more than the other we may miss what we are receiving. The man may provide materially, while the woman gives on an emotional level. They are both giving, but may miss what they are receiving and feel that they are the only one giving and blame their partner.

As spiritual beings we are each capable of all human expression, all the energies that are considered both male and female. This does not mean that there is not variation or “personality” on a soul level, and even more so for a given incarnation. What it does mean is that we are not as limited as we often believe. We are all capable of handling any and all aspects of our own lives. It also suggests that it is perfectly possible and frequently happens that people wind up with energies (i.e. characters and interests) that don’t “match” the sex of their body.

While some of us may feel (as incarnate personalities) that we can’t or don’t want to handle certain aspects of our lives, we are giving away parts of ourselves, of our spiritual birthright. At some level we are likely to resent being out of control, or worse having someone else in control of even parts of our lives. This can also lead to explicit or implicit conflict.

If the man is responsible for work and survival, the woman standing behind him may actually control his space and push him into things as she sees fit. Likewise if the man has a lot of pain or anger, it may get dumped into the woman’s space, or he may resist the way in which she runs the emotional space. It may be tempting to say that the traditional roles are at fault: trying to fit everyone into a single picture and define their roles based on sex, rather than character or personal ability or interest, which in practice vary widely in both sexes; but it is the limited picture of ourselves that is more pernicious.

The concept of limitation leads us to feel we have to have someone else to love us or to make us complete. It tends to place us in competitive or controlling space in our relationships, so that we try to get more than we give. Finally it has led to social views about sexual roles that can lead to trying to fit into a role that does not reflect who we are as spiritual beings.

In practice, even in past generations, there have been a great number of “solutions” to the general question of how we work our partnerships and other committed relationships. Many of them have worked reasonably, or even quite, well. But they were still mostly based on the conception of two finite beings who get together and combine their energies to create a single “larger” being. When two people fall in love they jump into each other’s space, trade energies on various levels, including the heart space and often get so tangled up that they lose track of themselves. Over time they start to draw back a bit and disentangle, trying to find some of their own space again. This is crunch time. With a continued limitation view, we become aware of all the lacks, the conflicts, the compromises, and mismatches. Things become confused and messy, and people drift apart, fight, or give up.

In other cases, however, by holding a less limited view of human beings and what a relationship is, those that are successful became friends and often have long and happy relationships.

Between Unlimited, Complete, Beings

A great many things change if we shift gears and look at a relationship between two people as an interaction between spiritual beings who have (at least potentially) the ability to manifest the whole range of “male” and “female” energies and abilities. Moreover they each have the ability to connect to Spirit or God internally and in that way come to love themselves, and be loved by Spirit. This gives them access to an unlimited supply of love and energy. Finally if we are all of God, a part of spirit, then we can shift from giving and receiving from each other, to giving and receiving to/from God or Spirit.

On all counts we no longer need to keep score. Those who are connected to Spirit, who know how to be “in love”, with or without a partner, can give to others a great deal, because they are not giving from their physical being, but from their spiritual essence. This essence, being internal and of God is infinite, so that in spirit the more we give the more we receive, energy and love flow through us and out to others. These souls, having their own internal source of love and energy, don’t need to get anything from outside, to compete or control others.

This gives rise to a different type of relationship, in which each person, being whole in and of themselves, can own and maintain their own energetic space, from which they can share and play with others. Relationships are then a mutual creation, a third energy space, separate from either individual. Even in a partnership, the individuals can, over time, give more or less, and draw more or less, as situations change, and even renegotiate the nature and contents of the relationship.

Even if we are infinite spirits, we are living in a finite world, and while we may not “need” others to make us “complete” we probably don’t have the time-space resources, or the inclination to do everything. We still have personalities, preferences, favored abilities or spheres of activity, physically, emotionally, or mentally. Not everyone will be expressing everything at once in a given body. There is still, therefore, great scope for, and pleasure in, sharing with each other, complimenting each other, helping each other to grow, heal, or just get through the day.

Issues of possession or control naturally do not arise in this type of relationship. Two spiritual beings cannot possess each other, they are two parts of the same whole. They know that on the other hand they can never be really separated, even if they are physically apart. They are each responsible for themselves, even though they may agree to help each other out, or make a suitable “division of labor”, because it is practical, or follows their interests, not because they have to. It is most certainly a relationship of “equals”, even if one is in a wheelchair and the other is an Olympic champion. They are both God’s children and equally a part of the great Spirit that includes us all. They live in a world in which giving and receiving is always between us and God, either internaly or externally, rather than a bartering for survival, it is a continuous flow of love and energy that gives life to all.

(© 8/2002)

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The Keys to Your Heart

Posted on July 11, 2002 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys



When we find someone with whom our heart space opens up and we are filled with the most wonderful energy, we are “in love” and everything is great. It works even better when they love us back. But if they don’t return the feeling, or go away again after a while then we are plunged into a dark space, our heart shuts down again in pain and perhaps anger. We have opened ourselves up to them and if they don’t respond, or if their response fades in time, we feel that we have been judged, that something is wrong or lacking.

Have you ever stopped to think that what we experience when we are “in love” is something that we can experience by ourselves? The energy that we feel in our hearts is really a part of ourselves, a part of our spirit or soul, that we access when we are “in love”. The best aspects of love are the result of the opening of your own heart, not what someone else gives you (though that is nice too). In principle we have no real need of anyone else to open the doors of our heart, we are able to do it for ourselves at any time. And yet, we are generally programmed that we need someone else to give us permission, to open that heart space for us.

This heart space is also opened up when we experience the beauty of nature, or perhaps coming home to an old familiar place. On a more intense level it is the love of angelic beings, or Christ, Mary, Krishna, or the Buddha. It is a place inside, associated with the heart, or heart chakra (energy center), that opens up to our own full spiritual being, which is pure energy, love, non-judgement etc. It is a wonderful space.

It has been said that the spiritual path is not about experiencing spirit, as in finding something outside of us, or something that we are not, but in remembering what we already are, beautiful souls, fundamentally spiritual beings. As we learn to be consciously aware of our spiritual nature we learn to simply be “in love”, not with anyone or anything specifically (though that may be a great place to start), but with ourselves, life, God, to be in unity with all that is. Once we fully realize this, nothing can keep it from us, because it is our own essence.

If this is true, then why does it often seem so far away from us in daily life? Examining the process by which a spiritual being is born into a human body and learns to live in the manifest world we find a general answer that affects most of us, though in widely varying degrees.

Look into the eyes of an infant; they are still directly connected to spirit. When they are not distracted by various bodily matters they are naturally in that space of love. They have such an affect on us because for a little while we can match that love, remember that space. In spirit we are connected to ourselves and to everything/everyone else. As we grow older we begin to discover that in the manifest world there is separation, that people can not always be in that loving space, that there is invalidation and judgement. Even our parents at their best are not likely to be able to give us unconditional love all the time.

When others do not see us for who we are, cannot validate us, or throw their own anger, frustration, judgement, or control energy at us, we begin to feel we need to defend ourselves. Each of us has had our own unique process, the intensity of it varies widely, and much of it may now be lost in the mists of early memory, but most of us have had experiences of being blamed, made fun of, yelled at, controlled, etc. As small people who are just developing a sense of self we take that sort of thing personally, and we are pained by the emotions behind it, even if we “know” that its unjustified.

In order to protect that special place in our hearts we begin to build walls of some sort, perhaps using the same negative energy that we are trying to keep out. At first they may be just screens to deflect any incoming invalidation, but over time we add in the bricks and mortar. When we judge ourselves, accepting others pronouncements, we creat self-doubt, self-judgment and perhaps even decide that we are not really lovable after all, even to ourselves. Add in all of our self-judged “failures”, the death of a pet, the times when we unintentionally hurt someone, or failed to cheer them up, the project that comes out less than our imagination. This energy is the toughest, because it is ours. Now we are not inside the room protecting ourselves from things outside, but are also outside the heart space, facing a set of doors that have been shut and perhaps locked.

Now we may have trouble even loving ourselves, finding that space of peace and warmth that is who we are as souls. We look towards that space but we only see the pain, the hurt, the judgements, and we turn away. We may feel that we need someone else’s help, or we may be told that we do. If they will love us or validate us then we can find ourselves again. This is a change that most of us go through at some point. Metaphorically we give the keys to our heart space to someone else, to our parents, or even to God. If they will validate us or love us then we can open that space again and love ourselves.

We have in fact given away a great deal of our power, our seniority and certainty to the other person or persons, or even to an idea or ideal. The common link is that it is external. If something outside of us will only validate us, if we can “measure up” to the measure of our choosing, we will be deserving, successful, lovable. We have to earn back the keys which we have given away or handed over on demand. This is not the truth, even if it is the way most of us (to some extent) live our lives. The keys to your heart are yours and you can at any time, by exercising your seniority in your own space and being, reclaim them simply by doing so. No one can stop you if you are clear and firm.

Until you do this the terms of success are not yours, they are society’s, or your parent’s, or your partner’s. Often they may be fully, or practically, impossible for us to achieve, especially if they are not suited to who we are as souls. Then every step towards the external goal involves a denial of self, and feeds the picture that says we don’t count, we aren’t lovable. So we look for that exceptional person who can see something of who we are, who can validate us and lead us back to ourselves. A person who can open the doors of our heart, who we can trust with the keys. We fall in love, forget about “ourselves”, all of the judgements and pain of the ego-self, “lose ourselves” in the other, and find again love and peace.

This is wonderful, but we can also do this ourselves. It is the goal of many spiritual paths. If we lose “ourselves”, i.e. our limitations, our self doubt, our cares and responsibilities, we can open that heart space ourselves. In truth we do not need anyone else’s permission, if we have courage and certainty we can reclaim that space by simply remembering and being who we are as souls.

While finding ourselves is “simple”, it may not be easy. We start by realizing that “earning the right” to love ourselves, to be ourselves, is a very large lie. We can love ourselves any time, any place. God always does, why shouldn’t we? It is simply who we are. Of course if “you” have been covered up with many layers of ugly emotion or invalidation, it may be hard to find your true self…which is where healing and spiritual practices come in. We are also never “alone” in reaching out to spirit, to God. Grace and assistance is always there when we open to it, when we give up being “undeserving”.

It is possible to have “nothing”, be “nothing” and still have yourself and all the bliss and joy in the world. This is the experience of the realized masters. God does love us just as we are. But we don’t believe it. If my mother doesn’t love me, or my husband, etc., if I don’t love myself, then how could Creator? But it does. How could it not, for you are a part of it, and its nature is love.

So take back the keys to your heart space, to the connection to your own spiritual self. They are yours by divine right and no one, no thing can deny them to you. Open up your own heart, and bask in the love and joy that you find there, let it fill your being, flushing out all the invalidation, limitations, judgements, fear and pain that you have been holding onto. Then you can share that space with others and discover a whole new level of relationship, a new way of “being in love”.

Listen to it on the Recordings page.

(© 7/2002)

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truth, Truth & teaching

Posted on May 11, 2002 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Preface

The nature of truth/Truth and its implications for the matter of teaching is a vast, complex and quite non-linear subject, not least in that one’s understanding of truth and Truth are a central part of understanding anything, including truth/Truth. What follows is therefore a rough sketch of how I currently view these matters, i.e. a part of my truth, which hopefully approximates an aspect of Truth. It is presented here to indicate the spirit in which I share my perspective with others, and to stimulate your own thoughts on these topics.

BACKGROUND CONCEPTS

Each one of us has a personal sense of truth, a description of what the world is and how and why it functions as it does. This also includes our ideas about who we are and the meaning of life. As we go through life we have experiences and come to perceive or understand things on the basis of these experiences. We also have occasion to communicate with other people and learn something of their experiences and their sense of truth. This gives rise to collective or socially accepted truth. Finally we may come to consider the concept of Truth, which is beyond personal, or even collective, experience. Truth is associated with the fundamental basis of existence, with divinity, spirit, or nature. It is something which is usually thought to exist beyond us and independently.

The relationship of these levels of truth/Truth to each other depends on the fact that we are limited, i.e. individual, beings living in duality rather than unity. In our normal state of consciousness our awareness and understanding encompass only a minute fraction of all that is. This applies to ourselves as well as to what we consider to be other than ourselves. However, these limitations are unique for each of us. Our experiences, and thus our understanding, are always in small ways, if not in large ways, unique. We each have a limited and uniquely different experience of the whole.

Our limitations apply to our conscious perceptions as well as our experiences. This is due to the non-linearity of understanding and experience. It is generally known that we are consciously aware of only a fraction of our physical perceptions. There are filters, which are set to pick out the “important” perceptions from the general mass, allowing a manageably small number to enter our conscious awareness. Thus two people going through the same events, will literally perceive different things. A second layer of limitation, or difference, has to do with the interpretation of what we perceive. In order to determine which perceptions are “important” we attach emotional significance to them. These emotional layers may vary more widely than the perceptions themselves. Finally there is a more conscious layer of “meaning” that we add as we reflect and consider, trying to understand what we have perceived.

This is all part of a process which is based originally in physical survival, a process which allowed our distant ancestors to determine which perceptions had survival value, and encoded emotional responses (that can still act completely outside of our conscious awareness) to promote nearly instantaneous reaction to life threatening situations. It is a process in which we construct a model of the world (i.e. abstract some elements as particularly important) and attach appropriate significance (emotional and otherwise) to these elements. This model has become more complex over time, as our brains have become more complex, but is still only a limited picture of the world and our experience. However aware we are as spiritual beings, when we are in a human body we have to work through this mechanism.

Our model also represents (at least in its upper layers) our notions of truth, our understanding of the essence of the world and ourselves. It is non-linear in that the model itself affects what we perceive and how we interpet and understand our experience, particularly on the conscious level. Those things that are considered important, or given emotional weight, are more often brought to our attention, while other matters are excluded. Another name that has been given to this model is the ego. It is important to realize that it has very necessary functions, just as our body does. It is also important to realize that it is a model, i.e. a limited, simplified, attempt to represent existence.

Thus there is an evolutionary drive in us to create a coherent and useful model of our world on which to base our actions and decisions. It is tied into our very survival, which means that there is a great deal of emotional charge behind it. This energy is also tied to our having the “correct” model, one that most accurately represents the nature of things in general. This leads to another non-linear feature in which we are able to adjust the model and make changes over time, either as the world around us changes or as our perception and understanding change. One can loosely call this “reality checking”, a process of comparing the model against “reality” and making adjustments as necessary. One way to do this is to compare notes with other people. However when we do this we may well find that their model, or truth, is not quite the same as ours.

There are many ways in which we can respond to this discovery, depending on how big the difference is, how important the relevant aspect of our model is, our certainty in ourselves and how much power we give to the other, etc. In some cases we may add to, or adjust our model, or the other may similarly modify theirs. If we were all fully conscious individual beings this would be the normal procedure.

Given the strong premium on being “correct”, and a level of investment in what we have created and are used to, the ego may be threatened more by the concept of being “wrong” than by the potential dangers involved in having the wrong model. When we consider that we have not in the past been fully conscious (and undoubtably are still not now) we may understand that it has often been the case that changing, or controlling, “reality” has been a more attractive solution than changing our truth. On a personal level this is possible because we filter and interpret our perceptions (pushed to extremes we may even create perceptions). On a social level we have competition over whose truth is “correct”.

Moreover, we are generally collective (i.e. social) beings as well as individuals. The social aspects of human existence are associated with a new layer of collective consciousness, collective survival, and collective, or social, truth. This tends to promote a certain level of agreement and uniformity, which may be more or less tolerant of variation among individual truths of its members. It also creates a possible new level of competition between individuals over the nature of the collective truth, with a tendency for each to promote a version that is as close to their personal truth as possible.

While some people may contend, and put forth their truth, others will simply accept the collective, perhaps with some personal reservations, and work with that. In either case they are rewarded by being in agreement with others, and this agreement is very comforting to the ego, as it says that it is correct and by implication safe.

Into this dynamic comes the idea of Truth, i.e. that there is a level of being beyond (or behind) our experience, that is absolute, perfect, divine. It is beyond all our limited and imperfect perceptions and ideas, arising from spirit, God, nature, etc. It is, moreover, unique, and often thought to be universal and timeless. On all levels it is desirable for the individual to identify their truth with this cosmic Truth. If one’s personal truth is in fact the Truth, then one is as “correct” as one can be, and thus as safe as can be.

However, this also raises the stakes in any competition. We have gone from debating models of the world, based on which is most useful, to the question of the nature of absolute Truth, in which there can only be one answer, and if you are wrong perhaps you will not only loose in life but in death as well.

While we are (generally) not fully conscious, we are also not fully unconscious, and have perhaps always had the sense that at some level we are part of, or connected to the divine. Certainly human beings have been exploring ways in which to obtain insight into their world by parting the veil between the physical and the spiritual for a very long time. That the divine or spiritual is in some way responsible for the creation of the material universe and ourselves is also ancient knowledge, as is the idea that it may still manifest itself in various ways, more or less directly.

While some have attempted to use reason and logic to derive the nature of Truth, more often it has been though the intuition, which is probably the more ancient tool. Thus there have been various methods of divination, of talking with spirits, interpretation of dreams, and even directly communing with the divine. The important aspect for the present discussion is the idea of being able to directly access Truth, or that it may be revealed to special individuals, who can manifest it to others. It then becomes natural for people to want to believe that their truth is, in fact, the Truth.

MY PERSPECTIVE

The central aspect of my view is that the manifest world is a world of relativity, a dynamic world in which circumstances are always changing. In the process of manifestation the absolute becomes limited, separate, i.e. finite, and even when Truth manifests, it is always to some degree relative and less than absolute. The manifest (at least any finite portion) can never express fully the unmanifest.

In yoga it is said that the purest form of Samadhi, of union with the unmanifest Cosmic, is beyond thought, and thus beyond our mental awareness, so that when we return from that state we can never remember it, it is not expressible in terms of our perceptions and awareness at all. There is a slightly less profound state in which one achieves union with the full manifest universe, and in which the unit consciousness retains awareness. However even this is not easily expressible in words, as we have no common language for these experiences. The first verse of the Tao Te Ching reads: “The tao that can be spoken is not the everlasting Tao”. There are limits to our ability to express Truth, no matter how clearly it is apprehended. One can live it and express it by being it, as with Christ or the Buddha, but there are inherent limits to words and their ability to express the spiritual.

In part this goes back to the uniqueness of human existence. We think and communicate in terms of words, pictures, and emotions. But for each of us there are differences. Even something as straight forward as the word “stone”, for each of us presents a different collection of specific experiences with specific stones. While the basic meaning has been agreed upon, and for most purposes the word serves to express our thought, it is unlikely that it will conjure in our listener exactly what it does for us. If this is true for concrete objects, it is more so for experiences or abstractions, and perhaps most true for the spiritual experiences that are closest to the divine and furthest from the manifest.

Communication generally has to go through ones mental and emotional filters. It is most difficult when the other has no corresponding experience; trying to describe snow to someone who has never seen it, or to convey the emotions of victory in an Olympic race to one who has never raced. Even when there is corresponding experience it is never quite the same, and what stuck out or had meaning may very well be different. Imagine the difference in even our own experience of something now versus five, ten, or twenty years ago. We are different, and thus our experience is different. Communication is always somewhat like the game of Whisper Down the Lane, by the time the message has gone through even a few people, it is distorted, and by the end, usually unrecognizable.

We are often misled by thinking that everyone speaks the same words and must therefore have the same thoughts. We are in some ways all the same, and in others infinitely varied. True, clear, communication is actually quite difficult, even in something as concrete as scientific publications, much less with the emotions of a personal relationship, or when conveying some spiritual experience or insight. It is something that I often struggle with in doing a reading, trying to find words that can clearly convey what I am seeing, without various “extra” implications and shadings that come with the words, but are not a part of the vision. It is easiest when the person is consciously aware of the energies I’m looking at, and so I only need to say enough so that they can recognize them.

This is one reason why we each need to learn our own lessons in life. There are levels of comprehension that can only be obtained by personal experience. No one can ever explain to us what it feels like to be burned, though they can clearly convey the idea that it is likely to be unpleasant. Similarly the ecstasy of divine union is beyond the power of words, although we can feel something of it when we are near the person who has experienced it.

Another factor is our uniqueness as spiritual, rather than manifest beings. We may (or may not) all learn the same lessons over the ages, but we certainly don’t all do it in the same order or even in the same way. This is an aspect of the relative nature of the manifest.

So I would say that we all have our personal truth, which is based on our varied and unique collection of experience. We can come together with others and agree on collective truths, which are hopefully more general and closer to Truth, but not necessarily. There are various revealed truths, attempts by individuals who have had a closer experience than most of the divine to communicate what they have experienced or come to understand. Even these latter cannot (almost by definition) be exactly Truth, nor all of Truth. They have to be expressed in the idiom of the day, and told in terms of the culture in which they have become manifest. Truth is at best indicated, or hinted at but never fully expressed, especially in words.

I suspect that in some complex way all the personal truths are a part of Truth, at least they are part of its manifestation. They all approach it more or less closely, but even those revealed truths that are closest in approach are limited in scope to what is relevant for the place and times of their revelation. Some might complain that this makes the spiritual quest too hard, that there has to be an Answer, but that doesn’t change the nature of things. There is a story of a Chinese master painter, who said that to paint a picture of a mountain you had to know it by observing it from all sides, in the various seasons, and throughout the day, in all its conditions. Then one could begin to know the mountain and paint its picture.

It seems to be the same with Truth, it has many facets and manifests in many ways depending on time, place, and person. The limits on communication (short of divine grace) imply that we need to rely on our own experience, and that spiritually we need to learn our own unique lessons. I can read a book about the castles of southern France, but only by going and seeing them can I begin to really know them and even then I will certainly not “know” everything about them. The fact that others have seen other facets is a benefit to us not something to fight over, it is not a matter of right and wrong, but looking at two different things, or the same thing in two different ways. I have seen this as often in science as in spiritual matters.

Since we cannot cover all that is by direct experience, we can learn and benefit from what others have seen and done, both because they may have different experiences, but also be cause they may have experience of things that we need to learn. This is where teachers come in. I see the role of a teacher as being a guide, someone who can say, this is where I’ve been, this is where you can go, play with this and you may learn something. But we still all have to do it ourselves and in our own way. Especially if the teacher has a great deal more experience they cannot give all their experience or knowledge at once. They might tell you, or you might decide, that they have the Truth and if you copy them you can have it too. But this is not possible, as you have to experience it for yourself. No matter how perfect their truth is for them, it will not be quite what Truth is for you. They can however point the way, but only if you can get beyond the specific details to the essence, and find it for yourself can you attain Truth as well.

So, when I write or teach I am not expecting anyone to memorize what I say, nor claim that I have even my own answers, let alone yours. Moreover, my words, as you hear or read them, are likely to only approximate my intention and meaning. You will have to hunt behind and around them to find it. More to the point, perhaps, is to hunt through them for your own intention and meaning. If something I say helps make a connection for you, or causes you to realize another piece of your truth, perhaps because it is the same, or perhaps because it is quite different, then I have succeeded.

(© 5/2002)

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Projection, Power, and Healing

Posted on April 11, 2002 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Most of us incarnate as human beings because we have unfinished business. On the energetic or spiritual level we are carrying energy or “pictures” that we need to release. These pictures are either the result of past actions or things that others have handed to us. They involve judgment, either good or bad, which is what holds them in our space. We are born be able to get to a place where we can get out of judgment and thereby release these energies or pictures. This gives us an option or options that we didn’t have before, and another piece of ourselves as spiritual beings, another part of our spiritual freedom.

To facilitate this process Spirit helps us (as spiritual beings) to set up situations that allow us to work on these pictures. The exact dynamics depend on your picture of the relationship of your conscious self (as a spirit in this body), your unconscious and/or higher self (your full spiritual self), and Spirit. In any case there is a mirroring process, in which situations or people come into your life that activate the pictures that you (as a spirit) have incarnated to process.

Thus (as one possible example) if we are working on an aspect of self-love, we may be born in a family that fails to give much love, or even attacks us in one way or another. As we grow up there may well be other places where we also experience a lack of respect or appreciation from others. Our relationships as adults may feel one-sided, or we may be unappreciated at work. Since we are all unique and infinitely creative souls there are many variations, but they all put us in a place where we must find love inside rather than outside.

Since, as incarnated spirits, we have usually forgotten the larger picture, it is common that when we are hurt or fearful we project our experience externally. Projection is a natural ego-level protection device, which also happens because there is always a matching external aspect which is generally easier to see than the internal aspect. Other people are not perfect beings either, they have their own pictures, projections, and processes, which we are in part mirroring for them. However, focusing on the other person’s part will not generally help us with our process.

Projection is, rather, a way of giving our power away. If our situation can only get better if someone else does something, or changes in a certain way, then we have given all power over the matter to them. [There is always a caveat at this point about stepping out of abusive situations etc. That sort of action may in fact be part of taking your power back.] When we acknowledge our part in a given situation, we begin to take our power back, to change a “problem” into an opportunity for change, healing, and spiritual growth.

It is important not to simply change the trap, to go from “they are doing it to me” to judging ourselves. Deciding that if we are responsible for what happens in our lives that we must somehow “deserve” what is happening to us, we have replaced one level of being stuck with a worse one. Self-judgments can hold us much more strongly than the judgments of others. We have simply internalized the external aspect, reinforcing the original picture, rather than beginning to let it go.

Focusing inside is where we can really affect things, as in the end we can only change ourselves, or what is in our space. As we clear the internal blocks and invalidations, we reclaim a part of ourselves and gain a corresponding freedom. Loving ourselves we become free from the need to have others love us.

Once the internal work has been done, often the external situation will also resolve itself or go away, or we can move on and leave it behind. It is no longer useful for our process and Spirit/we cease to call it in or create it. Think of the analogy of a radio set. While we are working on something we are tuned to a certain station. When we are done we re-tune to other stations and although the original signal may still be there we no longer receive it; are no longer sensitive, or reactive, to it.

Finally, remember that while Spirit helps to set us up, Spirit is also ever ready to help us as well. Spiritual beings, other people, animals, etc. may all step forward to assist us, but they will not, can not, do the work for us. We have to be open to assistance, on some level to ask for it, and be open to working through our own pictures and self-judgments. Recognizing what we are trying to learn, how we use projection, and owning that process empowers us, begins to open the door more fully to help from Spirit, and starts us on the road to healing.

(© 4/2002)

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Amusement and Healing

Posted on February 11, 2002 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

It is generally appreciated that amusement or humor is beneficial for someone who is in pain, either physical or emotional. This is in part because it moves our attention to another place, one that feels better, lighter, and less serious. Even the types of humor that involve laughing at something or someone, are attractive to those who employ them because they are a solace for their pain.

Physiologically amusement is good for us. The act of smiling releases chemicals that make us feel good. The tears that come from hard laughter, as with those from sadness, have a cleansing and healing property.

There are many different levels of “amusement”. From the gross to the subtle, the physical to the cerebral, the sophomoric to the sophisticated, the cruel to the compassionate, there are aspects of humor that mirror most of the moods of being human. But what then is amusement? and what does it have to do with healing?

There is perhaps an element of the unexpected in humor, of surprise, for ourselves or others. We may laugh when we are startled (even in fear), or watching an actor walk into a tumble that we can see coming. We laugh at their surprise. This works physically, emotionally, or mentally. Much mental humor comes from the unexpected juxtaposition of ideas, or words, the multiple meanings of the punster.

It has been said that man laughs when she is in too much pain to cry. Laughing releases things that it is hard for us to express otherwise. The surprise, the unexpected, takes us out of the box, “breaks a mood”, catches our attention and shifts it away from our pain. This is an important aspect of the healing process, to get out of the box, to find a bit of space between “us” and our pain.

To release our pain or hurts, beyond being distracted, we laugh at ourselves, release the seriousness, be in a place where we see the amusing aspect of our situation. Stepping out of the box, we diminish our identification with our human incarnation and see ourselves as spirit. This puts us in relation to ourselves, as we were to the actor, able to appreciate the larger picture and see things in a larger context, where we can let go our judgement, forgive, and move forward.

It is amazing, when you stop to think, how many types of amusement there are throughout our experience! In spite of the commonalities, however, one may fairly say that some are healthier than others. We can all tell the difference between a nervous laugh and a full rich one. They arise from different places and serve different needs. The later is pleasing and infectious because it comes closer to spirit, to who we really are.

The amusement of the spirit is not a joke or a particular sort of humor. It is rather a state of being, a place of certainty, of ease, of lightness (in all senses), of completeness in oneself. From that place one can enjoy life, the silly aspects, and the pratfalls of the body, the emotions, and the mind; both in others and in oneself. The effectiveness of humor that connects with the audience, is funny because we’ve all been there too. This is the amusement of spirit watching itself being human.

Spiritual amusement is that of the child, playing happily, finding delight in the way a sunbeam comes through a window, or how a kitten chases its tail. It is a place where we know that we are spirit and do not take the body or mind too seriously. It is close to enthusiasm, that place from which spirit enjoys and creates. When we can give ourselves permission to be in this state we can relax, forgive, and heal.

In energy healing work amusement is a lubricant, an aid in moving through most situations, and is often invoked to help fill-in with after other energies are released from a client’s space. It is an energy that helps to get one unstuck, to gain some separation, or neutrality to a situation, or to avoid getting stuck to begin with. This is something that we can all do ourselves, calling in amusement from the universe whenever we feel the need. Or just set your intention and attention on the state of amusement. Remember it and be there.

As we have seen there are many forms of amusement, some of which are closer to spirit than others. Be sure that when you call in your amusement from the universe you have a picture, a conception, of a form of amusement that suits you, that represents where you want to be. If you find your picture is in anyway not where you would like it to be, consciously reset it. Then call in as much as you can stand!

(© 2/2002)

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