Traveling Light

Have you ever had a dream in which you have left something somewhere and are trying to find it? It might be clothes, or a backpack, or a person; but something that feels important to carry forward. Perhaps you can’t quite remember where you left it, or perhaps you can’t seem to find your way back to that place.

Two weeks ago I was leaving for Christmas on the east coast. I carefully packed a backpack with some books, a few holiday DVDs to share, some of my new CDs that I had spent the last few weeks creating on the physical. The presents I had collected for my family, some found easily and others searched from store to store, were stashed; an empty water bottle, and a sandwich and snacks for the plane. I was feeling happy that I had remembered all the things I wanted to take.

My daughter and I were ready in good time. I had booked an evening flight which meant no crack of dawn this time. We loaded our luggage in the car. I remembered that I should collect the key to my parents house, and went back inside for it. A clear sunny Colorado day, and in good spirits we drove off as I joked to my daughter that this was the last chance to remember anything thatwe had forgotten. We had everything with us.

A nice drive to the airport: afternoon, before the rush hour traffic. We parked and got our luggage out of the car to catch a shuttle to the terminal. Only my backpack was missing? Carefully packed it was still sitting next to the dinning table, where I had walked by it several times, including when I went back for the keys. My guides are really laughing at me now.

So I had left my “stuff” behind, including some things that I had worked hard to complete or find before leaving. But its still a nice day. I have my toothbrush and my clothes. Somehow its OK. In fact through checkin, security clearance (where a wonderful woman was actually having having fun in her job), and out to the gate, I felt light and free. I can feel my mind letting go. Letting go of old pictures about presents from when I was a kid. Letting go of the need to keep track of things in general, dropping me into the present, where everything was fine, and I could experience the joy of appreciating the people around me, the family and friends that I would see soon. Releasing the mental attachments there was so much space for heart experience.

In a dream I might have spent a considerable time searching for the lost backpack, but here I can let it go. It will be there at home when I return, and in the meantime I’m alive, breathing, having fun. Nothing really important is lost. In fact my mother had suggested that we defocus on presents this year. Even the delay in our flight (so we got in at 3:00 am), just allowed us to meet some good folks in the waiting area. It was all just a flow, setting the tone for a good holiday full of people and connection.

So, as we open a new year, I’m hoping that I’m ready to leave more of my “stuff” behind. To live in the natural flow where things come and go, and then more things come. To travel lighter, and to trust that the things I really need will be with me, or show up. To allow my mind to let go of keeping track, of holding on, so that I can be present with others in a deeper way, open to joy and connection in every moment.

This is a great time to allow old things to complete, to check in with what you are circling back for that you may not really need. Opening the doors to a new year full of promise and adventure, new friends and old, deepening trust in yourself, and allowing more room for your soul to sing and dance.

(© 1/2009)

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Light in the Darkness

As human beings we live in/with/as paradox. We are spiritual energetic beings incarnated on Earth in material bodies. We can have peak experiences; on a snowboard running over fresh powder, having diner with a loved one, in meditation or service or ceremony. Then we come home and get the flue, or the battery in our car dies on a cold morning when we are late for work, or some old emotional crud shows up for tea.

This season is the “darkest” of the year (where I live in the northern hemisphere), but it is full of stars and is a time for festivals of light. It is a time to celebrate the coming of light in the dark, the return of the Sun, the birth of the Christ child, the burning of the Hanukkah lamp, the flow of love in the human heart.

The paradox is only apparent. Spirit comes into matter as light, as energy, as love. The depth of matter, in the heart of the atoms, is the power that fuels the light of the stars. The light of love shines in our hearts from the inside out, and is inexhaustible. We are both matter and spirit and yet all is one. In Chinese lore Man exists between Heaven and Earth, weaving them together to create the ten thousand things.

When you welcome the light into the world, remember that you are also welcoming your own spirit, your own soul. Breath deep and relax, to make space so that you can be aware of how you too are a vessel for spirit to weave into matter, to co-create life and love here on Earth.

In this season of light take a moment to ask yourself how you bring light into your world? do you like to cook, to dance, to play sports, or write a poem. Is it in your smile or a kind word, receiving or giving a massage, or talking to the birds. We all have our unique lights to shine, for ourselves and others. Thank you for taking a moment or more to shine yours a bit brighter.

It is a time to light the lamps of our hearts, or perhaps to uncover them, as they are always lit, so that they may shine forth for ourselves and for others.

May your holidays be full of hope and joy, Alan

(© 12/2008)

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Coming to a Pause

Many years ago, I was living in California and found myself in circumstances that led to embarking on a trip to the orient. In preparation I gave away or loaned out to friends everything I owned, with the exception of the contents of a backpack that I took with me. With a friend I boarded a plan to Japan, where we were to be met (maybe) by a friend of a friend of his. Not quite Columbus sailing off the edge of the world, but still a process that involved releasing most aspects of my external life. Just my friend and I heading off across the ocean.

Most of the time our lives are full of things we have planned. On-going commitments and schedules. Work hours, and tasks. Lunches, dinners or other activities with friends, partners, family. Books we are reading, music or movies to listen to or watch. Perhaps you are a list maker, checking things off that you set down last week, last month, or last year. Perhaps you have looser planning processes, broader intentions that lead to a flow of activities each day. In any case the percentage of time that really is free for spontaneous creation is generally constrained.

The mind likes to plan, even if we call it dreaming, and then to run our lives on the basis of these plans or dreams. Modern society tends to encourage this, down to the weekly shopping and laundry schedules.

I am being reminded again that it is good to pause, to pause all the mental tapes, lists and schedules to see if they are really what we would choose to be doing? to make room for asking what would bring our soul joy? to stand still for a moment in the whirl of life and being brave enough to let the balls drop.

This is not to say you have to sail off to Asia. It is not to say that you have to stop all the gears at once. You may choose to pick up most of the balls again, or restart many of the lists and programs. But doing it consciously, you will have perspective on which ones really serve you, and which you may intend to alter or phase out over time. Most importantly you have given yourself space to be surprised; to be inspired by spirit, by yourself, to begin to see how to shift how you do things so they are more in alignment with your soul, or to remember a passion that you put down years ago.

When we do this all that is not the planning mind, to communicate with us about what we might want to do; for our inherent creativity to inspire small changes or large shifts. To literally, or simply in our imagination, take our life apart, consciously look at it and then reassemble it with a greater degree of ownership.

Moving into December, heading for the Solstice this is a good time to pause, to allow our doing aspects to “hibernate” a little, so that we can be informed by our being aspects. This may seem a scary thing: that is part of the program that drives doing and planning. We may have a voice that says, but what if nothing happens, what if I let go and I lose it all? There was a night I woke up before that long ago trip, in an unfamiliar, borrowed, bedroom, full of fear and uncertain of who or where I was.

I was on the cusp of the most amazing adventure, full of many surprises and much growth. I can guarantee you that no matter how deeply you drop into the “void” it is a place of creativity and life and something will show up for you. The natural flow of life will fill things in again, no worries.

So treat yourself to a pause. Allow the whirling gears to disengage and stop, even for a little, and see what gifts show up for you. This is a space of creativity, of joy, of letting out soul breath a bit more into our lives. That is always a wonderful thing. And if you wonder how to do this? just ask. Ask spirit, or source, God or Goddess, your higher self, your angels, or your guides. The answer will come if you make space for it by asking and listening.

(© 11/2008)

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Life, Death, and Preservation

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Contemplating different approaches to the construction of sacred spaces. In Europe the cathedrals where built of stone, solid and lasting and are now some of the oldest structures on the planet, preserved for nearly a millennium. In Japan the oldest and most sacred shrine (Ise) is even “older”, and yet this wooden structure has been torn down and rebuilt every twenty years for over 1300 years! Keeping it fresh and “pure”.

It has been said that the body is the temple of the soul. There are different approaches to maintaining our “internal” temples.

In Hindu cosmology there are three aspects of the supreme being: Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva. They represent, respectively: creation, preservation, and destruction; also the energies of Creativity, Love, and Truth. Interesting that last one.

The living manifest universe unfolds in cycles, in which these three aspects or phases are always present. They are all necessary for life, and yet we often react quite differently to them. Creativity is generally considered a good thing (though when your 4 year old is creating with crayon on the walls in the front hall we may be a bit challenged). Creativity is perhaps most closely associated for us with life; spring, babies, and artistic expression.

The energies of preservation, nurturing, lovingly appreciating what has been created, are also something that we mainly applaud, even if they aren’t quite as exciting or attractive to all of us. After all the architect who designs the building, even the workers who build it, are generally more highly thought of and rewarded more than the janitor who preserves it day after day.

When we come to destruction, however, we learn to be afraid, to judge this as “bad”, “dark”, something to regret or avoid. We associate it with death, with anger, with other things we think of negatively.

The heart of the matter is that we believe that the three phases are separate processes, that death is independent of creation, and creation independent of death; that loving something for what it is means preserving it from change, so that it can not “die”. We think of destruction as the antithesis of creativity, rather than as an integral partner in the cycles of life.

This conceptual separation colors our experience and when applied to our body/temple leads to some unfortunate, and quite unintended results.

Take a moment to consider how you conceive of your body on a day to day time scale. Do you relate to it as a fixed physical construct that may need maintenance and repair, but is essentially static? or do you relate to it as a dynamic pattern and system of energy and matter? Do youthink of it as a cathedral or a shrine?

Scientifically our physical bodies exist as patterns do in the flow of a stream, the pattern persists, but the atoms and molecules flow through it continuously. If we stop these flows we die, just as the pattern in the stream dried up without a flow of fresh water. Air, water, food, are flowing through us minute by minute, day by day. Energetically there are other flows that sustain and nurture us as well, and without which we “dry up” and perhaps even die.

Life exists in flow, and flow consists of all three aspects, as elements move into the pattern, recreating it, sustaining it, and finally leaving it again.

Perhaps it is useful to put “destruction” in perspective. Like creation it comes in all scales and magnitudes. It is the larger forms that tend to concern us most, and which we have come to fear. We may not fear the death of a single cell, but we do fear the death of the body.

So, in short, we come to fear aging and change in the body that leads to, or is associated with, death or disease. We resist the third phase of the cycle. This leads to a focus on the second phase, not so much as appreciation or nurturing, but as simple preservation. If we stretch this phase out, then we can postpone death, perhaps even dream of eliminating it?

Perhaps the ultimate example of preservation is the Egyptian embalming techniques, that have preserved their bodies as long as the stone pyramids. But it is a static preservation, there is no real life in it. If we were to freeze the stream to preserve the pattern, it is no longer flowing and “alive”, but a beautiful sheet of ice, that lasts only as long as it stays frozen.

Consider the parent who (for whatever reason) strives to preserve the beauty of their child, as child, but succeeds only in stifling their growth, maturation, and full flowering into life.

When we resist destruction in life by rigidly focusing on preservation we close the door to creativity as well. The three aspects exist only in dynamic balance, and all three are necessary, inseparable. In seeking to hold onto “life” we often eliminate the space for it to enter in. We become frozen like the stream or dried up like the mummy.

Life only exists in flow. In blocking the exit the stream backs up and blocks the entrance and we have lost what we sought to nurture and preserve. Even the great Cathedrals will crumble in enough time, but what of the Ise shrine? In another thousand years it will still be new and fresh.

Is there a way to allow the same to happen for the body? For our temple to renew itself. I believe there is. When we release the fear and mental energies that “see” the body as a rigid structure that we need to preserve at all costs, we open the door for the natural flows of energy and spirit to enter in.

The body is not a rigid object, but a living pattern of energy (in the form of atoms and molecules) animated by our spirit or soul, it can heal itself and renew it self, just like the stream or the shrine. When we relax the mind and mental concepts, and open our view of the physical structure so that spirit can flow through, as well as matter, there is room for creativity and life to inform it, to constantly recreate it, to feed it energetically, to heal the patterns as well as the physics.

If you were to hold your breath, in order not to change, to “live”, it is obviously counter productive. We hold our mental breath in the way we think about our bodies, and without the flow of life force/creativity/spirit flowing through us, our efforts are also counter productive. if not quite as obviously so.

When we release our fears and our mental efforts to avoid destruction=death=change=life we can open ourselves to integrating spirit and body in a way that sustains us, that keeps our temple fresh, and ourselves full of creative life energy. The body is meant to be the temple of the soul, not a static shell. Allowing for the three forces to re-balance in our being and our lives doesn’t lead to earlier death, but to continued rebirth, growth, and evolution.

We become more alive, not less, and by letting go we find what we were looking for all along.

(© 11/2008)

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Time to Stop “Trying”

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Several years ago I was working on rebuilding a house I had just moved into. This involved a good deal of excavation, which I did over time, by hand. Good exercise and a great way to work out anger and frustration that I had coming up at the time. Having been a practitioner of T’ai Chi for many years I approached this task with an attitude of relaxing into it. The Tao of pick and shovel.

Even digging ditches can be done with effort or without effort. Effort being a mental attitude,not a measure of physical energy. Moreover the more I focused on relaxing while I worked, the less tired I got, the less I ached, and the more I got done.

Perhaps you have had experiences that are similar to this in other areas. Trying to remember a phone number, or name, that has suddenly gone missing? how often does it show up shortly after you stop “trying”? The difference in any activity that you are doing because you “have to” rather than because you “choose to”. Even something that you enjoy and find playful when you choose it freely, can become a tiring burden when you “have to” do it.

Lately I’ve been noticing a deeper layer of “trying” energy in myself and in clients. It is more fundamentally mental, being woven through the ego. I suspect that most of us know this feeling, of trying to do or be something, something that we are supposed to do or be, or something that will make us safe, or appreciated; fill in the blanks. This process is perhaps successful in the short run, but in the long run it is exhausting.

The story seems to go back to the early stages of life. As a new human we are a soul incarnating, bringing with us joy and enthusiasm, creativity and curiosity, and a wonderful menu of talents and interests unique to ourselves. We show up in a world that doesn’t have room for all of who we are, or they way we are, or… In the best of families and situations there are still likely to be aspects that are not fully welcomed. For most of us it was a mixed bag.

In these years we were forming not only our physical bodies, but our emotional and mental bodies, through which to express our souls and explore our world. However, to the extent that we were not received, these bodies, in particular the mental “ego” level, became a layer that serves more to protect the soul than to express it. It is this level of our being that “trys” to figure out the game, to follow the rules, to be a good boy or girl. All in order to preserve at least a little space inside for the soul aspect to live.

So we create a “suit of clothes” that is geared to fitting in, to being “successful”, to keeping us safe. But it is not about who we are and what we have to offer. Even those who rebel, who hold to trying to express themselves rather than taking on a role are seldom completely free of the energy of “trying”, it is buried so deeply, formed so early. We are still often orienting to the external world, defiantly not playing a certain externally defined role, or expressing our pain, rather than learning to express core self.

Trying is specifically not fueled from our core. It is an outside-in process, rather than an inside-out process, fueled from the body level, the emotional and mental levels. It is therefore ultimately exhausting and in a sense futile. No matter how successful you are at “trying”, you still have not created space to be yourself, only to avoid censorship or “failure”, to prove that you are free to express your anger or to stay out of “their” game. All these results are still defined by other people’s terms.

So as you move on through life you eventually have an exhausted inner young person who has been “trying” for most of your life, and she/he is not only tiered of trying but is probably pretty pissed off about the whole thing. Perhaps you have been sitting on this, or not even aware of it, or perhaps you have been acting it out, but it never seems to go away.

This can be true even for those of us who have some sense of who we are as spirits and souls. Part of us is tuned in to ourselves, but part of us is still valiantly “trying” to keep us safe.

Even spiritual pursuits, or working with a therapist or mentor or teacher can be a “trying” process. Not to imply that these are wrong, but to observe that they may not get us to what we are all really looking for: space to bring our soul essence into this world. At least if they are done from a place of ego and effort.

It is time to talk with our “trying” part. In great gratitude to give him or her permission to take a long vacation, and to return with a new mission, to learn to create from the inside out, to express our souls rather than simply protect them. To do this effortlessly and without trying, as small children express themselves. But coupled with your adult wisdom and experience.

It is time to look deeper into our being and find the even younger self that is our bright essence waiting to come out to create and play. However vulnerable or fragile this part may have felt or seemed when we were infants or children, this is actually where our power lies. It may seem “quite”, or “sensitive”, or other things our culture defines as “weak”, but it is just powerful in a different way, full of possibility and creativity.

From the inside out we do not exhaust ourselves, we do not have to figure things out, we do not have to “try”. We relax into ourselves and know who we are and, in time, we can see how that will manifest. We can take care of our tired parts, our physical, emotional, and mental bodies, making space for our spirit to infuse them with life force. We are naturally in alignment with source, with spirit.

This is not something we have to learn, or find, or solve. It is within us always, and we get there by letting go of fear and effort, by setting our intention for going home and relaxing into it. Let your breath take you there, let your heart take you there. We are dong this together. With support from Spirit. Now.

What a glorious time to be alive.

(© 10/2008)

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