Looking for Answers

Posted on April 14, 2011 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

When you come up against something in life which brings up the energy of “I don’t know”, what happens? how do you respond?

We all have various strategies for handling these situations, even if it is to deny that they happen to us. If someone asks you where to get a good pizza, you might get out the phone book, or look up pizza on-line. If you are a pizza lover you might have the answer already in mind. You already know that you know. This is worldly or external certainty. Some people might go inside and intuitively find an answer there. They know that they know even when they don’t know. This is inner certainty.

Perhaps you are looking for a good auto mechanic, ie, both capable and reasonably priced. The stakes are higher and the process of looking is probably more complex and feels less certain or riskier. You are likely to ask friends or seek personal recommendations of some sort. You may or may not use your intuition to screen these recommendations, but the noise from the ego, worried about the consequences of a wrong answer will make it more challenging to hear yourself clearly.

When we are in the place of “I don’t know” we often invalidate ourselves. There is a voice that says, but you should know, what’s wrong with you, etc. There is fear about a wrong answer, anxiety about what happens if you make the wrong choice, and the mind is off to the races. The mind’s job is to know the answer, and the more important the answer is the more invalidated and fearful it will be if it doesn’t.

When you are in the place of “I don’t know”, if it brings up doubt, fear, or invalidation, you are vulnerable. Lots of people will offer answers, and they are almost always carrying more invalidation. This may be obvious and harsh, or kindly and subtle, but in any case they reinforce the belief that we are not enough in some sense, that others are better, know more, or are more capable.

You can go to the place of “I don’t know” and be OK there! be fearless, neutral, certain in a deeper way. We are taught that certainty is external, in knowing the answers, ego certainty. There is a deeper certainty of the soul that knows we are alright even when, for the moment, we are without answers and “don’t know”.

Consider larger life issues, relationships, career moves, or spiritual questions. With them it is probably even harder to be neutral. If you ask the world for answers you’ll get lots of them: other people’s answers, which may or may not be yours, and mostly come with at least implicit invalidation. Try my answer; do it this way; I know better. You are even more lost, off balance and out of your center. If the ego takes on this information as its own truth when it isn’t, then there is yet another level of invalidation. Part if you knows that you are off course, you feel this and its not comfortable, but the ego’s fear saying you need some answer makes it hard to let this one go.

With practice you can cultivate the response, that you do know, then ask what it is that you know. Cultivate the inner resources of your being. Cultivate the trust and certainty to hear and receive these answers. Validate your own Self, and know that as a being you are OK, and only temporarily in the space of “I don’t know”. Find the deeper soul certainty even when you have lost egoic/mental certainty.

Dropping into your heart and calming the mind, finding your certainty and trust in Self, ask what do I know? In the end it may still be to find the pizza place in the phone book, if that is the issue. It may be to ask a friend, but you can receive the answer without invalidation, and feel into its usefulness, or let it pass if it is their answer but not yours.

When you are in the place of “I don’t know”, find yourself first; drop into your heart, know that you are OK, calm the paniced ego, know that you do know your answers, and ask what they are and where they are. Be open then to how they show up, but without fear and you will find them cleanly and with clear discrimination. When you can validate yourself in the midst of external uncertainty you are cultivating your internal certainty. These days we all need as much of that as we can remember. It is a much better place to find answers from.

(© 4/2011)

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Changing Time

Posted on April 2, 2011 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

I was told many years ago that there is no time and space in Spirit. This means that working on the level of spirit things can be done easily and swiftly. Healing, releasing, manifesting all move this way, in Spirit. Being able to step out of the physical beliefs and limitations and work energetically can therefore be powerful and effective. It is also what allows us to send healing energies around the world, or through time.

The body, living in the 3-D world, obeys somewhat different rules. It takes longer to process, integrate, and manifest. This is why there can be physical reactions to spiritual healings, the body is catching up to the spirit. It also factors into lags in manifestation and other processes.

As with most things in life there are both benefits and cautions in working between these two levels. In history and for most of us our awareness of them is kept separate. We may have experiences of stepping back and forth, which can be practiced and enhanced, but we are usually aware of one at a time, spirit or personality, with transition between them more or less graceful.

It seems that this is all changing. The much discussed “End of Time” is not about the “End of the World” in a cataclysmic sense, or even just the rolling over of a calendar from one age to the next. It is a reference to changes in our experience of what we call time, or the lack of it.

Many of you have noticed that “time is moving faster” in the last few years. Not just that effects of age and experience, or even the over crowding of most day-timers, but the sense of months flowing by as the current rises. While this is true, you may also have noticed that more and more is happening in these speeding months, especially on the inside.

As we pass Equinox and head into Spring, I realize I am still bracing for a winter that is already over. And yet the Solstice was a “long” time ago. Last week often seems like last month, while last fall feels like yesterday. Holding these both at the same time is the “end of time”: the timeless state that we know as spirits, where yesterday and last year are all present right now.

Last week I was swimming laps in the present, when overlaid was the clear sense of wearing a business suit, which I haven’t done in years. You might say I’m just getting squirrelier than usual, but others are having similar experiences with overlapping times, echos of past or future in the “present”. Like standing between two mirrors with so many different versions of yourself spread through “time” but all present at once.

Our changing experience of time parallels the widespread experience so many of us are having that we are both Spirit and Human simultaneously. As we move more into this dual awareness of both levels of our being, part of the global transition, the timelessness of Spirit is overlapping our usual linear egoic sense of time.

The sun still rises and sets, the Earth moves around the sun. The calendar and clock are still there if we choose to use them. Our personal human aspect still moves through linear time. But we are also aware of the timeless, of all times. The “moment” is no longer a single moment in linear time, but open to the presence of all moments at once.

While disorienting to the ego, this is that way your spirit has always existed and relaxing into Spirit you know how to be this way. Just as we are learning to integrate our awareness of our spiritual Selves with that of our egoic self, and walk that spiritual awareness in the world, we are also learning to integrate a different relationship to what we have know as time and space.

So if you are having strange experiences of time, or even space, know that this is not a problem, but an effect of the growth and expanding awareness that we are all going through on the planet. Keep breathing, remember to “notice what you notice”, be a bit amused, and perhaps wonder what interesting effects will show up next. Trusting Spirit and your spiritual Self to guide you into a new way of being in the world. Receiving these new experiences with the joy and wonder of the soul inside you, you step forward in your evolutionary transformation.

(© 4/2011)

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Levels of Being and Personal Boundaries

Posted on March 15, 2011 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

The first time that I consciously opened to my size as a spiritual being I was driving across I-80 in southern Wyoming. Surrounded by vast open space, it was like the genie coming out of the bottle, a sense of relief and relaxation as my spiritual aspect expanded around my physical body. The body is a tight container for the spirit, and it takes effort to be that small.

As spiritual beings living in a human body we exist on many levels at the same time. Our human conscious awareness generally focuses on one level at a time, most often the physical, emotional and mental levels of our individual personality. Even with these levels our attention moves from one to the other as circumstances change, rather than being aware of them all at once. On special occasions, we shift to being aware of our larger, spiritual Self. These times of expanded consciousness are our “peak” experiences; in nature, in sports, making love, under extreme, or relaxed circumstances of all kinds.

Since we associate “who we are” with our personal consciousness we may feel that when our awareness is expanded or elevated we have done something right and when it is contracted and we are back in the emotional soup, we have done something wrong. Actually all the levels are there all the time. Your higher Self has always been there, and our emotional body is always doing its thing. It is rather your attention and awareness that moves back and forth from one level to the other.

Learning to change the level of your awareness consciously is one of the goals of many spiritual traditions. These days the global process we are all engaged in is allowing, or even pushing, us into the expanded states more often. You may even have the experience of being aware on both the personal and transpersonal levels at the same time. When this happens you can feel the deep calm of your Self and the often turbulent movements of emotional energies or thoughts at the same time.

Archimedies is quoted as saying “Give me a place to stand and a lever and I can move the world”. When we can consciously “stand” in our higher Self and also be aware of our personal self, we can be the larger container that is necessary for the healing and clearing of the personal self.

It used to be that a few individuals at a time would make this journey of “awakening”, becoming aware of themselves and the world at the level of transpersonal Spirit. Now we are doing this en mass. It can be a bit confusing, as you may have noticed.

One of the most important things to remember is that on different levels the rules are different. As spiritual beings, the levels of your essential Self, higher Self, etc. you are connected to everything. You are vast and limitless. The “higher” up you go the more so. Tapping into this and living your life from this core of Self is what we are learning to allow to happen. Your personal mind does not have to figure this out! Your higher Self already knows this. Your mind has simply to let go, get out of the way, release its fear and allow your Self space to drop in.

As the heat in the external world keeps cranking up, our minds are too small and limited to handle the “chaos” around us. While our spiritual self is limitless and connected, our personality, body/emotions/lower mind self is not. On these levels we are limited, finite, and have boundaries. This is necessary and appropriate.

We are both vast and infinite souls and small and finite personalities. The former is connected to all that is, the later has a boundary. You exist on both levels and your awareness can (and more frequently is) going back and forth between them. It is very important to learn which level you are working on at a given time, or in a given situation.

When I was in Wyoming I could open up safely, as there was only nature for tens of miles around me. In an urban setting you can still access your expanded Self, but we must carefully intend that we do this without taking on other people’s energies. There must be some sort of “boundary” or separation on the personal level at the same time we experience our unbounded transpersonal self.

If you try to be infinite while in personal awareness you can overwhelm your personal self. This is not the level to heal the world from. If you have been working as a spirit on the astral while asleep or in meditation, be sure to give yourself permission to fully return to your personal self when you wake up. You need to remember to shift the ground rules when you come back. This means letting go of whatever you’ve been engaged with, finding your own core being, setting your personal boundaries and making sure that only your own self is on the inside and the rest of the world is on the outside.

Setting your personal space, while remembering your connection to deep self and Spirit on the inside, you can then begin to consciously engage the world as a personal human without losing yourself in it. This is increasingly important to remember and practice routinely, as the pace and change in the world quickens. Know which level you are operating on and which rules apply there. On the personal; let go of the flow, find your Self, trust that higher levels of you know what you need to know even when the personal mind is confused or uncertain; this is the path forward that we are all learning to walk in a new way.

You are not alone. You have lots of company, on all levels.

(© 3/2011)

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Inner Balance

Posted on March 1, 2011 by mcallister

I did a reading once for a person who was studying martial arts and wanted to find balance. As we moved through the reading two things became clear. First that she had a concept of balance as a single point, a place to stand where she would be balanced once and for all. The second was that in this manifest world balance is dynamic, constantly moving and changing.

Bring to mind your experiences playing on a see-saw. Two people move in or out until they are balanced around the central pivot. Now imagine that you are standing on the see-saw, one foot on either side, balancing across the pivot. Only in the world the pivot isn’t standing still, it moves; back and forth, up and down. If you have ever stood on a moving train or subway you know the feeling. As the floor moves under you, balancing is an ongoing process of feeling into the movement and adjusting each moment.

In this relative world the yin and the yang are always flowing, evolving, changing back and forth into each other. Life is not a store window display, but a dance. Furthermore, the mind is constantly reaching out to engage the people and things around us. Each time it reaches out, or backs away, we loose our balance, pulled this way and that by attraction and resistance.

The Sufis whirl to let go of the world and find their center, that inner balance point; which is the only place to be and not get dizzy and fall down. If you have ever focused on an outstretched thumb while spinning around; standing still while the world moves around you, there is no dizziness. When you stop unless you go inside and find the deep stillness you will fall over.

Where is the balance point within? that deep still place that simply is? Inside of the inner whirl of emotions and thoughts, there is a fixed balance point after all. The spiritual part of you that exists in unity, beyond time and space, without the flow of yin and yang, the pull of the mind and the emotions. Reach inwards for it, drop down into it. If you don’t know where it is, ask your Self, then wait and listen. Feel the swirl of the world, of the mind, of your emotions, and then make space in the center for your Self to be present. Standing there the world moves about you and you express yourself through a dynamic outer balance, but always grounded in that inner place.

Last week I wondered why, as I wake up in the morning, I don’t take the time to feel into this inner place, to find myself and ask: how am I today? who am I today? Instead I let my mind fill up with todo lists, trying to find the external balance among all the things swirling around me in my life, but already I am off balance, lost in the push and pull of the ten thousand things. So I am letting myself take some time now to feel into myself, to give it space first, before I engage the todo lists and the rest of the world.

When you are in that deep internal balance of being, the dance of external dynamic balance flows naturally for you. Enjoy the dance.

(© 3/2011)

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Letting Go

Posted on February 16, 2011 by mcallister

In Aikido there is a practice called rondori, in which multiple attackers come at you from all directions, over and over. Some days life feels like that. Whether the things that show up are opportunities, challenges, or just there, it can feel a bit overwhelming, and once you get behind its hard to catch up. In rondori part of the practice is to select your opponents in an order that works for you, taking enough initiative to control the flow rather than simply reacting. Sometimes we can also do this in life, until that one thing shows up from your blind spot and throws you on your ear.

The egoic mind in its sense of isolation feels like this, that it must be always watching, anticipating, controlling, or it will get rolled under. This is a pretty tiring way to live your life. Between being alert and not getting down time we get worn out. You want to take a break, but the mind worries that when you take your eye off things something will pop up and bite you, or things might just fall apart when left on their own.

Spiritually we know that we live not as isolated egos creating and maintaining our world for our safety and survival, but as souls that are part of the web of life. No man is an island. We are a part of a larger whole. If we take a nap, the world is still there. If we take a vacation the world carries on. Our family and co-workers can usually be trusted to keep things going until we get back. Not everything has to be done right now, but will often keep until tomorrow. In fact letting things wait often allows time for them to resolve on their own, or for someone else to step up to handle them, or for the perfect piece of information to show up that shifts the whole matter.

Remembering that we are not alone, but part of an organic sentient web of life we can cultivate trust; trust the universe, trust spirit, trust our dance partners that we can step out for a bit and not have the whole world come down around our ears. Feeling the force we stop thinking and know what we need to do and the flow of the rondori is effortless. Trust that your higher self can see which things you really need to work with, and in what order, and know that if you miss one piece someone else will pick it up.

Allowing yourself to let go of the swirling world around you, you can find yourself; not as a reflection of all the things on your to do lists, but shining out from your own interior. Dropping into yourself you refresh, retune and learn how to express your soul in your piece of the weaving. Living from spirit you avoid being overwhelmed; breathing in and out, into Self and out into the world, you are centered and the rondori flows. May you find the grace to trust the rest of the universe enough to let go and find yourself.

(© 2/2011)

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