Heart Dreams

Posted on May 1, 2012 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

What are your dreams and how do you dream them? Take a moment to sit and feel into yourself. Drop this question inside and notice what shows up in response. What aspects of you dream when you are awake? How do you experience these dreams? Do you see your dreams, or feel them or hear them?

Waking dreams, day dreams, visioning: we all have part/s of us that are oriented to our future, weaving a web of possibility that we invest emotionally with hope and/or fear. Contrary to those who tell you that these are unreal and a waste of time, this is part of the creative process and let you know that you are fully alive.

Your body dreams of exercise and sleep, of food, drink and physical intimacy. Your emotional being dreams of validation, acceptance, room to express itself, of kindness and love. Some part of you may dream of the mountains, the ocean, tall trees, green grass or fields of grain under blue skies. In today’s world we also dream of houses and cars, computers and phones. Perhaps you dream for others as well as yourself; for the natural world, for your family, children or friends? For now come back to your own dreams, the dreams you dream for yourself.

While yours may be very different, my day dreams are mostly the wandering of thought and perhaps an image or vision. If I feel anything it is mostly in reaction to my thoughts or visions, rather than the content itself. Nothing wrong with this, it can be a very creative and inspirational place to hang out. If these dreams are happy it may feel good too.

The other day I had something “happen” that I want to share with you. Sit quietly and intend to drop into your heart. Perhaps this is easy and familiar, perhaps not. OK. If there are any visions let those go, we are making space for a felt quality. If there is any chatter or tension there give a little space while inviting it to dissipate. Letting go, drop deeper into the spaciousness of your heart. As you sit this will bubble up, warm and full, the natural feeling of your heart, the warmth of love, compassion and acceptance. Just welcome the felt qualities of your heart into your awareness.

Gently ask this space, your precious heart, what its dreams for you are? Releasing any expectations, or other thoughts, come back to the feeling/knowing of the heart, which is also a feeling/knowing of spirit. Set an intention to experience your heart’s dreams in whatever way that will happen. This is a different sort of dreaming, probably without the form or content you are used to. But it is a powerful form of dreaming that can fill your body with joy and love, presence and power that can fuel all your other dreams.

If you have ever seen a child light up and come alive when you ask them about their dreams, this is what you are doing for yourself right now, this is how your heart comes alive when you give it space to shine, by feeling a simple question and opening to the answer.

If the fullness feels different and uncomfortable at first, remind yourself that this is safe, it is another part of you. Gently relax into it, let it fill you and expand you, carry you to places you deeply want to go. Not physical places, but places of spirit and feeling, timeless places of deep peace and connection. Let this experience overflow your heart and fill your body, your mind and being. You are radiant and beautiful as you infuse your being with the essence of your own heart and soul.

Now carry *this* dream out into your world, like a new dawn rising and renewing the land.

(© 5/12)

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Space for Awakening

Posted on April 16, 2012 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Are you experiencing new levels of awareness lately? either in the world or in yourself?

The summer I turned 12 I had a series of experiences that were strange to me and at times frightening. They were essentially shifts in awareness and how I experienced different physical senses. Not hallucinatory, but alterations of sight and touch as if distance and size were changing. Trying to communicate with adults around me was not very effective. Perhaps they were even more upset than I was at something outside of what was considered the normal range of human experience. Over the course of the summer as these experiences settled into repeated forms and I got used to them and learned how to turn them off when I wanted to, the fear gave way to curiosity and eventually the excited idea that they were some sort of “powers” like the ones my favorite comic heros developed as they became teenagers.

So what might, in another culture, have been welcomed as the awakening of the spiritual side of my being, was aborted due to a lack of understanding and postponed until much later in life. Perhaps due to the shifting relationship inside myself, or perhaps because there seemed to be no place for these things in the world I lived in, they eventually faded away. By the time professional “help” was arranged there was nothing really to work with and I was only left with the mostly unconscious belief that there was not room for all of me in this world.

A decade later I began to meet people who had experience with the spiritual side of life and were able to give me some understanding for what was in all probability a partial kundalini awakening, accompanied by incipient out of body experiences. I even found a book written for therapists which described both the experiences and my emotional response to them that were spot on. This was the beginning of a journey to find space in the world for my spiritual self. Eventually I found places where these things were understood and accepted and my spiritual and intuitive aspects had room to emerge and spread their wings. I am still releasing the buried messages of uncertainty and fear that were laid down about being who I deeply am and about there being a place in the world for all of that to breath freely and find acceptance.

It has been historically common that certain levels of awareness or consciousness develop in the teenage years, but is something that has also been possible at any stage of life. This is a natural part of being human. The changes in collective consciousness that are happening on the planet now makes it increasingly common for adults (and children) of all ages to find their awareness to be opening up and new experiences arising. For some this is within the context of spiritual practices and traditions, for others it may be just as unexpected as it was for me. I have talked with people who were even serious disbelievers who are now trying to learn to work with undeniable new perceptions and understandings of life as a human being. This is happening on a broad scale, unprecedented in human history, and even those of us who have been on this road for some time are finding things changing and opening faster and further than ever.

While there was no support for me when this first happened, this need not be true for you. There is now more awareness that this type of awakening is something to be joyful about and to welcome, however odd it may seem at first. I found a context in yogic practices, but there is a foundation in all the spiritual traditions for when we awaken to Spirit and begin to live with the awareness of the divine as a part of ourselves and active in our lives.

Whether you are new to the soul’s journey and flowering, have been keeping it to yourself for a long time, or are experiencing a “growth spurt” or deepening, there is no need to be fearful, or alone. There are so many who are ready to welcome you as you awaken, to support your journey and those who can safely guide you as you find how your spiritual self wants to express and experience this multi-dimensional life. Explore your new experience with curiosity and playfulness, trusting your inner sense of what is true for you. Know that while these new things are yours to master you do not have to figure it all out by yourself . There is space for your complete Self to live joyfully in this world. Well-come home.

(© 4/12)

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Of Stars and Gratitude

Posted on April 1, 2012 by mcallister

Stars. Ever find yourself on a clear night, on the ocean, or in the mountains or desert, some place where the sky is dark and clear and you can really see the stars? Remember the feeling you had then.

We read that there are billions of stars in the galaxy, but it is hard to imagine, to really grasp. There is a new photo montage showing 1 billion stars in the Milky Way [ http://djer.roe.ac.uk/vsa/vvv/iipmooviewer-2.0-beta/vvvgps5.html ]. While still less than %1 of the actual total this image is so full of stars that you can zoom in 10 times and the view is still packed with stars. It is an amazingly beautiful image. All those stars shining.

Stars are the fundamental physical source of life in our universe. Protons and electrons spinning together through space and time, generating all the energy, all the fields, all the matter than makes up the planets, and the web of life that sustains us.

While our star, the Sun, is the source for the energy that sustains life on planet Earth, most of the atoms that make up Earth and you and I come from other stars. These stars lived, and generated the energies of life, all while cooking the complex atoms which life also needs. Some of these flew into space on solar winds, but most were only released when these stars died, in the spectacular explosions of nova and super nova.

So in meditation, I wonder: how many stars cooked the atoms that make up my physical body? How much of the galaxy contributed to the making of our Sun, the Earth and you and I? Some of them have passed on, some may still be shining, as stars live for a very long time.

It is something to marvel at, how many stars have contributed to your life, over time spans that we cannot imagine. Feel into your body and ask it to remember. Feel into the eons of preparation, of cosmic forging that has gone into the making of this temple of your spirit. Feel the power of all those stars connected to you now, supporting you now, to be here on Earth looking back out at the stars that gave you birth. Open your knowing into this vast web of life woven through and across time and space to create and hold your being here, now. The vast web that holds and supports your spirit.

As beautiful as stars are, it is no more than the beauty of your souls. Sure we all have our human share of shadow, but your soul is always shining through. It is my privilege and joy to have seen you as the amazing shining soul and energetic being that you are. Like the stars you are all unique and different, having your own colors and melodies. Like the stars you are generators of life force in this world, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Within you the dualities of the universe, create and sustain life and radiate it out.

So I invite you to consider the stars, and consider yourself. You are no less than they and no less beautiful, powerful and magically mysterious. Know this about yourself. Feel this in yourself and know that no matter what is happening on the outside you are such a source of beauty and life on the inside.

In great gratitude for all the stars, in the heavens and on the earth, and for sharing some of your beauty and glory with me over the years.

(© 4/2012)

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Embracing Child, Release the Monkey

Posted on March 16, 2012 by mcallister

The other day, as I swam, I found myself stuck in ferocious planning, mulling over a problem like a dog chasing its tail or the proverbial hamster running on a wheel. My mind was racing while emotionally I was in anxiety, each feeding the other. Not that I wasn’t having good thoughts, but they were something I could do later just as well, and they were pulling me away from being present with my swimming.

Trying to find a gap in the feedback to step out and let go, I felt into what part of me was so anxious and came to an energy like a child that is resisting sleep, wound up like a whirlwind, until it finally falls over. Accepting and holding that energy I gave him permission to relax, to sleep for the moment, until the time when all that energy and creativity would be useful in a future present tense.

While there are times when inspiration strikes and it is good to get down at least the outlines of a new idea, there are more times, when being present with something or someone else is important. Then it is worthwhile trusting yourself to come back to a topic later and be just as clever and insightful as you are right now. Cultivating your self trust is important in stepping out of the monkey mind that wants to solve all of your problems right now, or at least before you go to sleep. This is especially true when that inner child wants to have game plan out into a future that you haven’t arrived at yet and can’t really plan for anyway.

There is a balance here, but the fear driven worry sort of planning, where you review things over and over, or have a conversation repeatedly, is not really very helpful, while it is quite draining. Implicit in this sort of worry is the sense that you have to do it all yourself, and if the universe does anything it is more likely to mess things up than to give you a hand. It often also involves a lack of self trust; that you are not capable of planning as things come along, or competent to handle situations as they arise. This type of planning is a way for the mind to handle fear. “When you don’t trust the universe or yourself, its better to be doing something, even if its not truly useful, eh?”

When the Sufi’s dance, the spinning is a way of letting go, dropping under, centering. When you are spinning you have to let go of the outer world, or you make yourself sick, and focus on yourself, your center, finding what is arising there in the present. If you find that anxious or excited child there, make space for her/him and love it, inviting it to release its fears. You are likely to find that that inner child is really glad not to have to worry any more.

Feel how you are supported by the universe, your higher self, guides and angels. Create the space to be in the present and trust that you will handle the future magically when it shows up. You will find that there is actually more room for your true creativity, for deep inspiration and beautiful design.

(© 3/2012)

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Falling into Grace

Posted on March 2, 2012 by mcallister

Remember some time when you were able to fall gladly and wholly; into someone’s arms, into a pile of leaves, or of pillows, into water or through air, allowing your body to feel itself surrender completely to the pull of gravity. When you were an infant you knew this. A baby falls without fear or tension. It loves nothing better than to be tossed in the air and caught again. Being relaxed it also seldom gets hurt. Babies have a remarkable ability to bounce.

As we grow up we learn fear, tension and resistance; we fight against the call of gravity. We land stiffly and injure ourselves; experience and expectation come to reinforced each other. In learning Aikido the first task is to learn to fall again, to fall in ways that allow us to bounce, to give in to gravity in ways that don’t injure us. Learning this we can release tension and fear and begin to enjoy falling again.

As adults, most of the time we are fighting gravity, which is an expression of the Earth’s attraction for us. Standing, or sitting we are using hundreds of muscles to resist her pull and find balance. Letting yourself go, surrendering into the pull of gravity, as a stone does when it falls, allows the body to find a deep level of relaxation.

Remember what this feels like, the feeling of falling. Let go for now any fear of a hard landing; feeling any tension in your body, breath and let it dissipate. It is the tension in the body that closes down the spaces for the blood to flow, the chi to flow, until it goes numb and lifeless. Use your sense of relaxation and surrender, to let the body open, let the heart open, let the mind open; release, let go, and you will find yourself full of spirit, full of life, full of joy.

Feel into yourself, your chest and body. Notice any tension there and fall into it, fall through it. You might imagine you are falling into the vast openness of your own heart. Relax and let go, over and over. Feel your heart begin to open with love and joy and fall into that. When you fall into yourself there is always a soft landing.

I had a dream many years ago, standing in front of a circular pool of blackness, I jumped into it. As if falling into a pool of water, only as I entered that pool, I felt that the darkness was inside me, in all the spaces between me, and I was somehow held and supported by it. Full of joy I could relax completely into it. I knew I was safe.

Just as the earth pulls on your physical body, the divine is calling to your soul. Allowing yourself to let go of tension, of fear, of all the little resistances and attachments; fall into that pull, fall into your heart, into Love and it will take you home to yourself. Just as you always fall towards the center of the Earth, you will always fall towards the center of your Self, which is Source.

Follow the feeling of letting go and falling, knowing that falling into grace you are always supported. Let’s meet in that place soon.

(© 3/2012)

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