True Emotion

Posted on March 2, 2013 by mcallister

Have you ever seen a movie where a character faces a confusing emotional situation and in dialogue with another character, or talking out loud, asks “how am I supposed to feel?” Sometimes its more of a statement, in response to someone questioning their reaction. Perhaps you’ve said this yourself, or had it said to you?

How often are we confronted with a situation that is unexpected or outside of our usual experience and we find ourselves thinking about how we are supposed to feel? Often this is so fast that its hard to spot, we drop into the a feeling in response not to the experience but in response to a thought about how we are supposed to react. Even if we take time to consider,the mind tends to look outside for answers and guidance, leading us further from our own truth and giving our power away.

The trouble with the “supposed to” feelings is that they are driven by social programs, analytical reasoning, unconscious stories; all mental pictures. This thought out emotion is often at variance with our actually feelings, which are often different than we expect, or what is socially approved. When your true emotions are pushed underground they come out sideways, or hobble your ability to follow your conscious intentions. Like all elements of the subconscious we come to deny they are even there, rather than taking care of ourselves by acknowledging them and resolving them.

Even if we sit with ourselves and ask, “what am I feeling?” it is amazing how quickly the mind jumps in to dial up the emotion it thinks should be there. Avoiding uncertainty, it also suppresses some emotions, to keep things simple, denying the fact that as human beings we can feel more than one thing at a time. We give ourselves little permission to be genuinely conflicted or torn between multiple emotional reactions.

Try sitting quietly, without expectation, and check into what you are feeling, as a simple sensation in your body. If some emotions make you uncomfortable, you may notice your mind wanting to talk them away or fix them before you can really experience them. Let this go. It is a protective mechanism, but it also inhibits the resolution of old things, and the freedom that comes with being ok with experiencing even the “unpleasant” emotions. Gently practicing feeling into your body and allowing the energies that are vibrating there, the emotions that are alive, to be present, without story, or judgement, will not actually hurt you. Importantly it allows emotional energy to flow and move, to dissipate and transform. It opens up a whole world of information that your body is constantly offering for guidance, developing constructive relationships with even sorrow, fear, and anger.

Cultivating the simple question: “what am I feeling?” without any “should”s, leads to a deep emotional freedom where you are no longer at the affect of your mind’s attempt’s to figure your emotions. You are free to be emotionally alive in the present, without fear or resistance, owning your emotional body and gaining the power of emotional presence, unity of being, and a clear, clean, emotional guidance system.

(© 3/2013)

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Nurturing Inspiration

Posted on February 15, 2013 by mcallister

In this season on the edge between winter and spring, the seeds are stirring deep under the earth, the first shoots beginning to rise upwards. Even the mightiest tree begins this way, as a powerful impulse of life-force that has yet to create the form that will house its great spirit. The seed knows only to grow, to reach upwards. It is not concerned with the whole plan of the tree that will form to embody its spirit, only with the creative impulse itself.

In your life what creations are beginning to stir in your heart? Can you be like the seed, centered in the impulse and trusting that the form will unfold? or does your mind insist on seeing the final form before it starts to sprout the seed? Mine often does.

Mind creates form, but spirit animates it so it comes alive. The intention and impulse come from spirit into a form that the mind envisions, but the intention and impulse are prior to the vision, just as spirit is prior to mind. Only my mind, being aware more of itself than of spirit forgets this, gets lost in the creation of forms and then wonders where the animating spirit lies.

Do you feel you need know the full form before you can bring your spirit alive to animate a creation? and not finding or knowing the form yet, you are paused and your spirit is kept in waiting and nothing progresses? When attention becomes fixed on a lack of vision, the lack of knowing the form, we forget the spiritual core we started from, become discouraged, and the intention and impulse are lost.

It is all too easy to get lost in the mental effort we are trained to employ, all too easy to loose the initial impulse, the joy and passion of your spirit that is wanting to express. When this happens the life force that was lifting your seed is interrupted and, as the leaves of the growing tree will wither and die when the roots are severed, your project will falter and collapse back on itself.

Rather turn back to your spirit, kindle its flame and abide there until the form begins to become clear. The desire and impulse of the spirit to manifest, will itself begin to coalesce the appropriate form. Residing in spirit, trust in your passion and joy, you can create space for your desire to take form without knowing first what that form is. Creating space and filing it with passion and joy, the form will come into being as the universe responds to your intention, and honors the impulse living in your heart. Not only will the form appear, but the support and assistance you need in its creation will also be drawn around that space.

The growth of your seed into a tree is a dance of masculine and feminine: the impulse and intention, the making of space, the coalescing of vision into form. It flows outward from your spiritual core into the world, so you must always come back to spirit, remain connected to the source of the impulse. When the vision wavers, or you become uncertain, let the mind take a break, center in your heart and simply ask what is the next step? find your enthusiasm and joy, letting that flow through your being and the vision will come clear again.

Its going to be a glorious Spring, full of beautiful new trees.

(© 2/2013)

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Shedding Ego

Posted on February 3, 2013 by mcallister

When I was first studying t’ai chi, there was a period when I took a train and walked several miles across the city to get to class. Some weeks I was tired, sore, or feeling slightly ill, but I learned that if I could drag myself into class, I would always feel much better when I left. Any physical aches would be on the surface, not necessarily gone, but overlaying a whole, vibrant energy in the core of my limbs. This deeper level had been there all along, but the class would help me to bring it into awareness, to shift my attention from the tired, achy, surface.

When I am identified with my human, egoic, self, I feel the need for external validation and develop attachments and expectations. When these are not met I tend to feel a lack and wanting, perhaps a resentment for not receiving what I need, or believe I deserve. This is a painful place and can make it uncomfortable to walk out in the world, or difficult to show up the way I want to for the people I know. The more I shift into connection with my Self, and stand in my essence, these needs and attachments move to the periphery of my awareness. Standing in my core I know that I am whole and validated by Spirit unconditionally, and the human suffering either doesn’t arise or is much easier to bring compassion to.

In my human self, the thought of letting go of my ego defenses, my attachments, my emotional armor, is terrifying, because in that place that is all I am. If, spurred by the suffering that comes with these attachments I follow the perennial teachings and release them, I am may also shrink back from life, from engagement, collapsing into a hollow core, giving up my presence in the world. Give up and walk away.

In another city, a later t’ai chi teacher said relaxing was the core principle; including letting go of emotional and mental tension and holding. However, that did not mean to go limp, like over-cooked noodles. It is important to remain alive and present within the outer relaxation.The goal is similarly to shift awareness to the core of living, flowing, chi, your essential being.

Shedding layers of armor and attachment to validation or attention, is like shedding a suit.You can stay present, in your glorious naked Self, knowing that you are supported from Spirit and strong in your Essence, rather than running away and leaving empty clothes to collapse on the stage. Standing in your essence, it is easier to let go of fear, tension, holding and wanting, because these are just a covering. Keeping your Self, you are still present in the world and your relationships, self-validated, Spirit validated.

The egoic sense of importance crumbles and with it the need for external validation, but in the awareness of your own Self you are full of certainty and joy that needs no validation. As the outer layers are shedding and falling off, they are likely to grab for your attention. There is no need to beat yourself up, to run and hide from the world, to collapse emotionally and mentally. Just keep remembering who you are, shifting your attention back to your essential Self. Standing firm in the midst of the deconstruction, you are increasingly whole and alive with your own life force. You are becoming naked as the angels are naked, not needing clothes to enhance or armor to protect your magnificence. Stay present and let it shine.

(© 2/2013)

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Going to the Well

Posted on January 16, 2013 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

The Well is the 48th hexagram of the I-Ching. It is the foundation of Life for both the individual and for the community. This is true physically, but also spiritually. The Well represents the inexhaustible and unchanging support of Spirit for Life, but it is only effective to the extent it is in good condition and is actually used. The superior person, line by line, develops herself to be able to reach the water in the well; but must also draw it up to take back to society, back to the town.

The first step is to know where your Well is, so that you are not wandering unconsciously in the swampy lowlands of the world. How do you connect to Spirit and to your own Self and your gifts? Where is the source of your inspiration, nourishment, and creativity? There are many Wells in the world, but we all have our favorites; walking in nature, talking with like minded friends, quite meditation. It could also be your work, playing with children, signing in a chorus, anything that allows you to come close to your heart and to Spirit.

Some of us enjoy books, in particular fantasy stories. As with all other Wells it is not the form but your relationship with it that is key. Fantasy, in all its forms, is often derided and spoken of as an escape and not of use in the “real world”. It can be this, as can any Well’s that is approached in fear; seeking not inspiration for your life in the world, but a place of safety and hiding from that world. In fact, the Well follows Oppression in the sequence of the I-Ching hexagrams. When the slings and arrows have been flying, we may need a time of rest and refuge, but living permanently at the bottom of a well is no way to let your light shine. Allowing yourself to be healed and changed by the experience of your Well and then to come back to the world ready to share your water (light), the full meaning of the Well is expressed.

Fantasy can be so much more than an escape. It is an invitation to play in the field of imagination, where creativity walks abroad, waiting for us to find it. The question is, do we bring that life force back into the outer world or do we seal it up out of the light of day. I have appreciated stories as a place to learn exploration, adventure, love and magic. They remind me of what it feels like to live in a world that includes Spirit, purpose, guidance, wizards and other things that are hard to find in our society. I have even lost solid chunks of time playing in these worlds, but eventually I come back to my outer life, more in touch with possibility and inspired to find what I am looking for there as well; inspired to add a different thread to the weave of the collective creation.

You might similarly read holy texts, or listen to great teachers speak, but only when the water is carried back from the Well have you fulfilled your potential.

Give yourself permission to find your creativity and inspiration wherever they call out to you. The Well is everywhere if you are looking and nowhere if you are not. I only suggest that you consider bringing the water that you find back to share with your community, with me. Let go of the beliefs and programs that what you are doing isn’t real. If you can feel and be present with the Well inside yourself, you know also the feeling of expressing your essence in the world at large. You can bring the feeling of your Well to your work, to your community, and share its water there, subtly, if not openly.

When you have owned your Well and the path back to town is well trodden, you will meet others who are using your Well, or one of their own. Sharing your passion and learning from theirs is one of the beautiful gifts of life. We can begin to weave all the aspects of Spirit into a new world that has the essence we love in fantasy as part of our daily life. So delve deep into your Well, but come and play in the garden with your brothers and sisters.
(© 1/2013)

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A New Breath

Posted on January 2, 2013 by mcallister

Take a slow deep breath. Savor the feeling of oxygen flowing into your lungs. Relax and let it flow out, easily, effortlessly. Give yourself another breath, becoming aware of the flow of life force that comes with it, opening yourself to being embodied and present. Relax, let go, and the old air flows out, carrying old energies with it. Breathing in again, as the prana opens your lungs, opens your body and being, notice any tension or tightness, let the fresh breath open that too. Let it expand and give it up, to flow out with the old breath.

With each in-breath welcome the flow of universal life force, supporting your being. With each out breath release what is done, complete, used up. This is the most fundamental rhythm of being human, a rhythm of two parts. If you are holding old things, its hard to breath in new ones. Feel into what you are holding in your lungs, in your body, what is it hard to breath into or to let go of? No story, just the feeling.

Some old things are hard to release, they may be bound in fear or grief; they may trigger coughing or sneezing, or a long yawn. They are, however, old and ready to go when you release them. With every breath you can release the old to make room for the new. This is good to practice mindfully. Trusting that the universe will help you to create the new. That new breath is not something you have to create yourself, but just open to, and receive. When the old breath is done, let go and receive more.

At the beginning of the year we take time for breathing on a larger scale. Releasing last year so we can open to the coming one. Celebrate what you have done, learned, how you have grown, or what you have lost. Honor and love what has been, but let it go so you can be present with Spirit, co-creating the new year to come. Breath out and release, so you can breath in and create.

This year change is, perhaps, even more a transition. You have been clearing and releasing old patterns and ways of being, so that new ones can come out of Self and Spirit. Whatever it takes to let go, do it, but mainly keep breathing, stay present and let the rhythm of breath and life naturally clear what is complete. As Abraham says: be grateful for what you have, and enthusiastic about what is to come. As you are grateful for a beautiful sunrise, you can’t hold onto it, but you can hold to gratitude, enthusiasm, beauty and inspiration, and carry them forward into the new day.

Breathe deep, feel what you feel, and let it all flow. Reach into your knowing that Spirit supports you in this, as in all things. Cough if you have to, but keep on breathing, creating space for the deep parts of your soul to embody and express. The world’s out-breath has passed for now, and the new in-breath is carrying us forward, into the new day and the new year. In words, or in song, breathe your dreams into a choir of creation.

(© 1/2013)

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