Internal Relations

Posted on January 2, 2014 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Contemplate what it means to be a whole being. We are physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual all at once, fully integrated, a single beingness with multiple aspects. While your awareness and experience is often focused on one of these levels more than the others, shifting in time from emotional to mental, to physical, to spiritual, and back again, the shifting character of your experience is due to the changing focus of your awareness not to an inherently separate nature of, or lack of relations between, these different levels of being. You exist continuously on all these levels and when something happens on one level it has an affect and an impact on all the others.

Our experience and training as human beings leads us to focus mainly on the aspects of our small self, our human self. This has been necessary in order for our species to evolve and survive on planet Earth. Our larger Self, our spiritual aspects or our Soul, however, is always present, whether we are aware of it or not. The wholeness of our being is the nature of our existence, but not in the nature of our awareness until we have learned how to integrate the different levels.

In theory this makes the process of opening to and integrating awareness of our Soul with our usual human self a simple matter. We don’t have to create anything, earn anything, or prove anything. We do perhaps have to learn some things about working with awareness, in particular how to accept and integrate the new types of soul awareness, that are mostly non-verbal.

On the other hand, there are aspects of the human self that resist this process and thereby keep us in an experience of being limited and separate from Soul. These aspects are not being malicious, but are operating on beliefs that, while understandable and based on our human experience, are inherently false.

Being connected to and at one with our Soul does not threaten the small self with annihilation. Realizing that we are a Soul as well as being human does not make the small self obsolete. It is still necessary to express our Soul in the material world. We are both, and both are necessary. It is possible to be whole and complete as the small self and also to be connected to, and at one with, a large Self. We are not meant to replace one with the other, but to integrate our awareness of them as two aspects of our whole nature.

The fears of the small self that it will be changed, in the course of spiritual practices leading to a realization of the soul self, are partially true. Learning to identify with the soul self, unless we do so to the extent that we drop the body and let our human self die, does not destroy the ego mind. We simply shift our focus of awareness to a different level and when we come back to our human consciousness most of the old patterns of the mind are still there. Even if we may in some sense dissolve the normal ego mind, we must re-create it, or reintegrate it, in order to continue to function as a human being in the world.

Although the pain and wounds we have suffered as a human being may motivate us to connect to our souls, there is nothing inherently wrong or incomplete in who we are as humans. Neither do we have to perfect our human self before connecting to our soul self. Your soul has compassion for you, arising from an unconditional acceptance of all that it is, of all that you are. So that while it may be interested in helping you to heal, to grow, to realize yourself, it never does this with any judgment.

Your human self may at times be afraid of being seen by your soul. This fear is based on its experiences of being judged by other humans including parents, teachers, friends, and strangers. This is not the truth of how our Soul relates to us. The Soul does not judge or make the small self wrong either, as the Soul loves it whole Self including the human aspects, unconditionally. So the whole class of fears that the small self has about being unworthy, or flawed, or any of the other varieties of self judgment that we are capable of as human beings, are, from the point of view of the Soul, illusions of the ego mind.

There may also be a hesitation, or fear, on the part of the ego mind, that it will have to give up cherished goals and priorities. This arises from the part of the human self that wants to use spirituality as another survival tool and use it for the ego’s own purposes. It is just this part that we need to surrender in order to become all that we truly are. The Soul is meant to express itself through the ego, it is not there for the ego’s gratification or use. The more you connect to your Soul, the more the imperatives and goals of the ego naturally and easily shift, aligning effortlessly with the expression of your Soul.

Understanding the small self’s fears is important to adjusting the underlying false beliefs, reducing your own internal barriers to realizing the wholeness of being. Witnessed from the place of the Soul, these shadows melt in the light of loving kindness and compassionate regard, and as they dissolve you will come gracefully into a place of wholeness and connection. Opening to your own Soul, you will experience this, returning to the home that has always been there.

(© 1/2014)

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Fish Stories

Posted on December 16, 2013 by mcallister

Over the years I have sat in many ceremonial and healing circles where folks are sharing aspects of story or experience.

There is a power to sharing and naming our experience, our truth, our stories; which happens most deeply when we share not from our heads but from our beings; power in naming and claiming our light and in sharing our shadow as well; power in being witnessed without judgement and accepted for who we are in that moment. And there is power in witnessing and honoring others who are doing this.

There is an art to listening in these situations, to releasing the mental need to figure out what I am going to say, trying to rehearse it, worrying about how it will stack up with everyone else’s contributions. So much room for the ego to play. The ego spinning comes from the many versions of “I am not good enough”, of self judgement and competition, and in the end a lack of faith in myself. My mind doesn’t trust that its OK to speak in the moment from my heart and gut, but wants to be clever somehow and say the right thing.

You know that this isn’t true. It’s obvious as a listener when someone is speaking out of the deep places inside them or when they are composing something mentally, or relating an old story that they have spoken many times before. Even if the words are good, there is a lack of vitality. It is important to trust that what comes through us in these circumstances is what is most appropriate.

The mind wants that measuring tool though. In some circles it is the brightest story, in others the darkest, but it has to be the best of whatever is going around. The mind wants to do well at the game whatever it is. So we sit on our light when others are in shadow, and we sit on our shadow when others are in their light.

I once sat in a sweat lodge naming intentions for healing and clearing, and watched myself looking for the juiciest shadow piece to name and work. But spirit whispered to me to look for what was most fearful, and it was something small and shamefully insignificant, very “unenlightened” and yet I knew it was powerful in my life. And so I released the mental measures and named this small shameful little thing.

There is a saying that what we avoid and fear to look at or name is what rules our lives. Consciously or unconsciously we limit our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions so as to stay away from it. These may be hard things to discover and unpack, but they are great gifts to welcome when they do show up. Welcome them, find neutrality or forgiveness and transform.

Today I was being held in a space that allowed some old fearful parts of my self to surface. I watched as a higher level of Self came to greet them, and knew that they were not judged, that they were all Love, as we are all Love, as everything is Love, even though they had forgotten and judged themselves in their separation.

Trust that what rises is what is most useful for you to name or share. It may be glorious light, or deep and fearful shadow, or small, weak and shameful, but when it steps up, trust your Self, welcome it as a part of you, unashamed and allow it to remember that it also is love.

(© 12/2013)

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Orientation

Posted on December 2, 2013 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

When I was a boy, we used to spend time on the ocean in the summer. As long as the tide was in, we would be in the water swimming. There was a pier that had a railing that you could dive off at high tide. I used to love to dive and tuck as I hit the water. Curving back underneath myself I would pass through a still point where I felt weightless, hanging upside down and somehow free under the water. Then the moment would pass, I would surface, swim to the dock, climb out and repeat the process.

That moment of freedom can be found in other ways; in the pause at the top of arc of a swing, or all forms of disorientation from spinning around, or rolling downhill. I’ve heard it said that spinning until you fall over is the earliest experience that children have of altered states, and one that is nearly universal.

Having landed in a human body, how fast we seem to want to let it go, to seek out disorientation, to escape. But is this what it is really about? Let us change our point of view, from the adult looking in from the outside that see’s a child letting go of the outer world, the visual orientation of place, perhaps the psychic orientation of family, school, social structures, perhaps even loosing basic conceptual orientation in the dizziness of the tumble, or spin? What is happening from the child’s point of view? She is actually finding something else, finding that still point at the bottom of the dive, or the top of the arc, or the center of the spin, a place of stillness in motion, of spirit in matter, a place to connect back to her soul and a deeper sense of self that is left when the outer layers have been released.

He is losing something external, but finding something internal. In our society this is considered play and forgotten as we grow up. But what if it is more than play? not the prelude to getting drunk or high, but to meditation and prayer. Not simply a way to let go, but a way to reorient and remember something else.

As an adult some one once suggested that I try spinning on a dance floor, though you can do this anywhere you have space to hold your arms out straight. Hold one arm out with your thumb up, focus on your thumb and start spinning. Let the space around you move and blur, keep focused on your arm and thumb. I find that I have changed references, I am still while the world spins. If I let the world go, I am fine, no dizziness, just a joy of being in my own space. I can spin as fast or as long as I like. When its time to stop, close your eyes, and as you stop moving, focus completely on your own body, your core, and drop your awareness down through your feet into the earth. Center and ground, or ground and center.

If any aspect of your awareness is still spinning, let it go, out into the room, bringing all your attention in and down. Its not hard really. You will get a physical sense in your body of what it means to center and ground, to release the mind’s engagements with the swirl of the world around you, and be present and alive in your Self.

Once you have found the still place again you can open your eyes and choose what and how to engage with the outer world.

Finding your core and center is more than just physical. It is also emotional, energetic and spiritual, a practice leading to that essential level of being from which we emerged into human form, that deep place of stillness, of power and ease, of certainty, the “peace that passeth all understanding”. You will learn to let the world go when you want to, or when it has gotten too crazy or strange to deal with for a time and you have no choice. If you try to hang on then it is like trying to focus on the room when you are spinning at speed. You know the feeling.

We can also do this another layer deeper, inside, with our own emotions and thoughts. When they are agitated, spinning, tumbling, there is a center inside/underneath them that is always still and calm, where you can focus and ground, and let them fly off into space, clearing, releasing, transforming. Sometimes the hurricane is outside, and sometimes it is inside, but there is always a deeper center that is still. With practice you can always find it, as it is always there.

Having a physical feeling for reference, it is easier to learn the energetic, spiritual practice, releasing external orientation you drop into and stand still in your Self. You are now oriented inwardly in a way that is present and true no matter what happens in the world. Like many places, once you know that it is there you can call it up when you need it, inviting it to come to you even when it is hard to let go and find it yourself. It will come, as its always there, always a part of who you are. After all its where you came from.

(© 12/2013)

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Experiencing Your Higher Self

Posted on November 16, 2013 by mcallister

Let’s play.

Assume for a moment that you have a higher Self, an aspect that is part of a larger you, that you may or may not be consciously aware of, but is closer to Source, has a larger perspective and loves you (your human self) unconditionally. Take a moment to sit comfortably; close your eyes, imagine that your higher Self is present with you in some way, and letting go of your annalytic imagination, invite it to make itself known to you. Give yourself some space and time to notice whatever you notice. Check in with all your channels of perception. You might see something, hear a voice, feel something in your heart or your body, or just sense its presence in your knowing.

Just for now invite the knowingness of your higher Self’s presence, receive its love and support, a felt sense of that level of your being. Imagine that it is holding you in some way, as you might hold an infant or a child whom you love. Gently let go of any concepts or thoughts about how this is supposed to be and open to experiencing how it is, to the essence of your connection. Let it into your being as you would receive the sun’s warmth on a summer’s evening, the beauty of the stars, or the embrace of a loved one. Let it be personal and unique, universal and eternal.

It may come clearly to you, or you can play with possibilities. Feel the wings of your angelic self wrapping around you from behind. Try this in the shower sometime with warm water flowing down your back.

Perhaps your higher self is above you, shining like the sun or the stars down on you, or is like a larger being gazing down on you as you would a child. You might be immersed in it as when you are swimming in the ocean, floating in a sea of love and light. It may bubble up out of the spaces between the atoms of your body, from the void, that place of all possibilities that we emerge out of as physical beings.

We associate Spirit with Above, but it is also Inside, Underneath, and wrapped Around. It has your back and walks in front.

So take some time to play with your higher Self and allow it to come into your awareness, to communicate; explore any and all of the above, create or discover your own ways to experience it. You are meditating in some way, or you might be in nature, dancing, cooking a meal, listening to music. Whatever it is, it is likely to be joyful as that is a quality of your higher Self. Although it is always with you, create special time to play and get to know this aspect of your being and you will begin to feel its qualities infuse your daily life. Joy, amusement, certainty, calm centeredness, powerful well being, inspiration and many more.

When your human self is finding life challenging, your higher Self is always present to support you, but the more you have consciously cultivated your relationship the easier it is to access. All you have to do is ask and open to receive, however it comes to you and whatever you most need; unconditionally and limitless. Have a better day.

(© 11/2013)

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Your Body’s Voice

Posted on November 2, 2013 by mcallister

by Alan McAllister, CCHt PhD-phys

Several years ago I was able to swim in the ocean, for the first time in years, and my body lit up with joy and gratitude, thanking me for coming home in this physical way. Perhaps you have felt your body’s voice thanking you when returning to the Aikido mat, a ski slope, or a dance floor after a period away?

In spiritual practices we come to the consideration that we are souls who are embodied as humans, that we are more than our body, our physical aspect. This is true and a necessary understanding to connect to our spiritual aspect. However, while the body is a vehicle for the soul, it is not a separate mechanical thing like a car. It is a living, breathing manifestation and expression of our soul.

In medieval Europe the teaching was that our bodies were inherently sinful and to be transcended by fasting, beating, all manner of subjection and control. In the modern day we sometimes think of the body as a machine to be fixed, or an accessory to be sculpted and adorned. It is, however, much more than meat, having its own levels of knowledge and wisdom, that we can come into a reciprocal relationship with.

Consider how your body talks to you? The various voices from the muscles, bones, nerves and organs are sometimes loud and painful, other times soft and joyful. Some may become familiar by repetition, until you blank them out and push them into the background. Others may be occasional or even novel and surprising.

Sensations in the muscles; from the sharp pains of joints tweeked or muscles strained, to that deep alive tiredness after swimming or yoga. The warmth of the summer sun, or the bite of an autumn wind; the touch of a lover’s caress or the small firm hand of a child in yours are all voices that come from and through our bodies. It is your body that allows you to feel the contraction of fear and the expansion of joy, or that sense of something running up or down your spine when the truth lands, or you meet someone special. While it is not all of who you are, it is the living foundation of all you experience and express in the physical world.

Your body is constantly talking to you. Some messages are housekeeping, it’s warm or cold, hungry or thirsty, or perhaps subtler messages about food or exercise that we so often ignore. It is also the means by which we experience emotions and feelings; the state of your emotional body calling out for things it wants, appreciating something it has, or reacting to external events or circumstances, real or projected. Your body is an antenna picking up emotions and feelings from other people, and from the other living things in the world around, even the trees and the mountains. Most deeply it is the landing pad for communication from spirit, from your own knowingness.

So many voices we are often lost, or only hear the loudest and most urgent. It is tempting to choose to tune them out, especially the ones that are uncomfortable, to push through to our goals in spite of the alarms and requests. In the hierarchy of your being we often override the body in favor of the emotional or mental voices and beliefs. Most of us can’t tell the difference between being anxious and being hungry, between what the emotional body wants to settle itself and what the body is needs as nourishment.

We have all heard the words that our body is the temple of our soul. These are truth. But how many of us have a relationship to our bodies that embodies this truth, where we listen to and honor our own body’s voices and have an ongoing communication about exercise and food? How many of us are trying to drown out the voices, or think our way through the physical aspects of our lives?

We spend our meditation time opening above to Spirit, or below to nature and Earth, but how many of us have taken time to listen to the inner voice of our own physical being, to learn even how it expresses itself to us?

There is a lot of static that we have to sort out and clear, that usually distracts us, but if you take time and create space your body will converse with you. Come into a clear, open relationship with it and it will tell you what it needs, how to take care of it, and much more. Infants, given choice, know how to choose a balanced diet. Set your intention and issue an invitation with curiosity and respect and discover what form this conversation will take.

The body is the temple of the soul, its vehicle in this life. As it is cleared, there comes a spaciousness for Spirit and Soul to be present, and all your experiences are enhanced. The physical is the foundation for all the rest, and as it is tuned it sings and dances and joy flows out of your very cells. Being present in your physical body, you can feel your emotional body more clearly, be present for your sexuality. The emotional body coming into balance, your mind becomes clearer and your thoughts are no longer old loops, but present insight. Yoga practices start with the body and end with spiritual union for this reason.

Gently making space for your body’s true voices, engaging in partnership with it, you will deepen into full presence as a spiritual being, embodied as human.

(© 11/2013)

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