Fierceness and Anger

Posted on August 17, 2014 by mcallister

I’d been feeling angry about someone telling me who I can be, trying to limit my expression of my medicine verbally and energetically. Reminded me of my parents and childhood. In a process group I take a tennis racket and am told to hit a pillow, hard. As I do I am yelling, vocalizing my frustration, and as I yell it all shifts. I am no longer shouting my anger, telling them to go away or leave me alone, I am claiming my right to be, to have my space in the world. The underlying doubt and fear is gone, replaced by a fierce joy that comes from my deep being, that will no longer be denied.

Several years ago when I had this experience I was surprised to find that although the expressions of these two energies may look similar, they feel quite different and that the other people present reacted to them differently. True fierceness turns out to be attractive, even when it’s loud and noisy. It doesn’t induce the matching fear or protective fear responses that anger does.

A good way to understand this comes from Shiatsu, a Japanese art similar to acupuncture, but where the chi (life force energy) is applied with your fingers rather than through needles. Before you apply healing energy to someone, you first need to feel the condition of the energy already flowing in their body, to determine what they need and where to work.

Chi normally runs through channels called meridians, which can be too full, or not full enough. They are something like feeling a hose which has too much water in it so it feels somewhat hard, and one that has too little and is a bit flaccid.

With practice these feel quite different. However when the flow is seriously weak, then something else happens. The body systems compensate, creating a protective energy around the weak flow to mask it. This shielding energy feels hard, similar to the overfull condition, but less alive, more static, lifeless.

This protective shielding is similar to the swelling of muscles around a physical wound, or aspects of emotional protection around traumatic events and memories. This brings us back to anger, which is like the defensive layer that surrounds the depleted flow of chi. This is what we usually experience in ourselves and others. Anger is trying to be strong, but is operating from wounding or weakness. It is based in fear, reactive and hard to control.

Fierceness is us being strong, claiming our right to be alive. It is based on life force and love. It arises in the moments when we need to protect ourselves, a loved one, or something else that is important to us and is being threatened. It has a foundation in our right as spiritual beings to be present, to have our own space, and to be respected for who we are. Like the overfull meridian, fierceness comes from an abundance of life force, claiming our basic spiritual or human rights.

Meditate on these differences. Practice feeling into them. Ask yourself how you can shift the defensive energy of anger into the inclusive energy of fierceness. Focus on what you are claiming for yourself, and let go of what you are afraid of and reacting to with your anger. Claim your power and fierceness from a place of joy and celebration. Own this for yourself and you will never be the same.

(© 8/2014)

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Being Powerful

Posted on August 1, 2014 by mcallister

How are the mountains powerful? How is the ocean powerful? How are you powerful?

You can feel the presence and power of the high mountains just standing in front of them. Reaching high to the heavens they help to land and conduct the Cosmic energies down into the Earth. Occasionally they are active, in earthquake or landslide, and then they are not to be denied, but mostly they simply are present.

The calm ocean is similar. You can feel the mass of water in the depths, but the surface is tranquil and her presence is felt in your being. The ocean is more active than the mountains; in tides, in storm, or the tsunami aftermath of and earthquake. Her active power, capable overwhelming anything in its path, grows out of the deep presence.

As humans we think of power as an active application of force, of will; that we are powerful to the extent that we can act in the world. If we have little scope to act or exercise our power, our innate abilities and talents, we tend to feel powerless, discount our power and put it away.

Consider that like the mountains, or the ocean in repose, there is a state between taking action and giving up your power. This is a state of being aware of your power, your ability to act or express your soul, even if you are not doing so at the moment. Perhaps it is painful that have this awareness and not be able to exercise it? but you can still own your whole Self.

The mountains and the ocean show you how to be present with all that you are. Choose to know and own your power, to show up with it alive inside you, even when you are not going to apply it. Just as you feel the mountain’s power, or the potency of the ocean, when you own your power inside, it will be noticable outside.

Power is not about controlling other people, or your life, it is about knowing who you are as a spiritual being and that the whole universe stands within and behind your Self. This will be present to support you even if you never “use” it, and when you hold it clear and true, it will be felt and appreciated.

Being present in your power, then you can decide in the moment whether to do something with it. When useful or necessary it is ready to act, as the ocean is ready before the storm.

Be clear that as the mountains and the ocean need ask no one’s permission to be present in their power, neither do you! Action is another matter; when it involves other people, sometimes there does need to be a space for it. But you can always stand present in it, without asking anyone’s permission. As long as you are not proving yourself by tossing it about, any reaction to it is the other person’s choice, their responsibility.

You as a spiritual being are powerful. You are a manifestation of the infinity and power of Spirit, of Life, of Love. Own it in your heart and carry it always with you. Trust your Self’s knowningness and accept your power. Each moment you will know, your Self will know, when to use it and when to simply stand in it.

Stand like the mountains. Be present like the deep ocean. Allow your full Self to show up in every moment.

(© 8/2014)

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Action on the Move

Posted on July 16, 2014 by mcallister

Hooves pounding grass underneath you, flying across rolling hills, your bow is drawn on a target. You loose the arrow and instantly are focused on the next target, certain that the first is hit. You aiming automatically, loose with certainty and move on to the next. You are the centaur archer Sagittarius and it doesn’t matter what you are shooting at: battle foes, food game, or the problems of day to day life. What matters is the certainty that comes from completely trusting your focus and aim, this gives you the ability to act quickly, surely, without hesitation or second thought.

This past weekend the moon was gloriously full in the constellation of Sagittarius, beaming the energy of action as the wisdom for working with the plentitude of choice offered by the Sun in Gemini. Before leading ceremony I received this image/sense of the archer in action. It feels very timely, that we are soon going to need to be able trust our own knowing on a deep level like this.

Approaching the question of how you can do this in your own life, start with how you already work with your intuition and inspiration. However rich your life is in signs, dreams, meditative messages of all kinds, can you ask a simple question and get an instant answer that you know you can completely trust? If so wonderful. If not then perhaps it’s time to cultivate this ability.

Sit with the question of whether something you already do can be adapted, or modified to work this way. This seems to be more of an internal level of knowing, than an external guidance process, but play with it. How do you just know things? of all the intuitive channels, including your heart, which feels most reliable at aiming you in the right direction, without hesitation or discussion?

Start small, with things you are not too invested in, perhaps with alternate routes to the grocery store, or other simple questions where you can live with the results either way, but you can notice the difference in outcome. The second step is to practice trusting what comes back completely, if parts of you don’t, put them aside. This is not about figuring out the right answer. You are learning to access the level of yourself that simply knows. It could be through muscle testing, or how your heart feels, a verbal thing in your mind’s eye, the relative brightness on two roses, or straight knowing. The point is to play with it, begin to calibrate it, learn to trust it more and more deeply.

Like a child learning to walk it may not be perfect at first, but that’s ok. As you are ready you can step up the importance of the questions, move into places where you have trouble sorting things out mentally, where its easy to doubt. Act on what you get, especially when it isn’t what you expect. You can reframe the question to double check, and even think of alternate ways to clarify the answer. But in the end if it stays firm, act on it. This builds confidence and certainty.

The results may not always be what you expect, or think you want. Sometimes the real point is something that’s not completely smooth. This is a form of dialogue that you are practicing, with your Self and Spirit, so that down the road, when you really need it, you can trust it implicitly , and take action on the fly with certainty and no hesitation, no worry.

(© 7/2014)

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Touching Light

Posted on July 3, 2014 by mcallister

You are an energetic being made of light and love. You exist between lives in a place where that is all there is and you are always touching Light. You are you, but you also are connected and in touch with everything and everyone around you, effortlessly; it’s all just there.

Then you come into a body here on Earth. At first it is a very small body floating in a womb and you come and go from the level of Spirit, co-creating it with your mother, slowly becoming identified with it. If your mother is connected to herself and Spirit in a human way then there is lots of room for you to bring your light and play. If she is in pain or anger then there may be less space for your light, you may have to work to bring it with you.

Born into the physical world you will often have even less space to be the bright light being that you are. Most of us lose track and forget. Those who remember, as infants, children, or as adults may feel that they have to fight and struggle to find space for their light. We tend to forget especially that we don’t need permission or validation from outside, because most people around us have also forgotten.

We feel we are looking for space to breathe, space to be. Give yourself a breath.

Back up now to infancy and another point of view. You are alone in the night, or perhaps floating in a dark womb, or out in the vacuum of space. You call out and there is no answer. You reach out and there is nothing. You become angry and try to hit something, but there is still nothing there. Rather than feeling squeezed you have so much emptiness around you that you begin to wonder if you even exist. You reach out in a desperate attempt to simply confirm your own existence.

Breathe, deeply. Ground and find your center. Feel any fear, grief or sadness in your being. Breathe some more. Allow yourself to float in whatever comes up, and to feel the need to reach out in some way.

Now ask yourself: what happens if I let this go, if I just float here in the darkness? Its not going to hurt me is it? Breathe and without resisting, let go.

Bring your awareness into the “empty space” around you. Sense the light that shines from inside the dark. Look into your own heart. Touch the light that is there, the life force. Allow it to well up from inside you, as from the field of infinite possibility that you are floating in. Relax into it completely. Breathe it into your being. Notice the emotions receding, as you invite them to touch the Light.

Once you have found it inside your Self, you can reach out and connect to it in the world. When you are touching the light shining inside you it illuminates the spirit and light in everything and everyone else.

The person who becomes afraid in the water and panics and drowns, has forgotten that by relaxing and floating they are never more than a small movement from the air.

In all our ego efforts to reach out and make contact, to find validation, to get a simple hello, we have forgotten that the light is always in our own hearts. When you pull in your scattered self and look into your Self you will find what you seek and when you look back at the world it will have changed.

(© 7/2014)

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Where the Light Is

Posted on June 16, 2014 by mcallister

The full moon emerges large and red from the plains of Colorado. Rising rapidly up the sky, through thin layers of cloud out on the eastern plains, she becomes lighter, brighter and more focused. Behind her, dimmed by her brightness are the stars of Scorpio, send their vibrations down to earth mingled with her rays of reflected sunlight, making them available for us to work with.

The energies of Scorpio include qualities of the unknown or mysterious, of deep emotions in the hidden places of our being, or things dying and being transformed. The moon is shining into these spaces, allowing us to see more clearly what gifts or jewels may be available in the usually unseen parts of ourselves.

The evening reminded us of the story of the Mullah Nasreddin and his keys. You have probably heard some version of it. One night Nasreddin has lost his keys on the way home and is looking for them under a street lamp. His neighbor inquires and learns that Nasreddin lost the keys out in the dark, so he asks why search under the lamp? Nasreddin explains that it is the only place he can see.

In spiritual or personal work we will limit ourselves severely if we only look where there is already light, if we stay in the bounds of what is known and comfortable. So if you had anything a bit uncomfortable come up last week, perhaps the moon was shining some light in a new place for you.

Several days later I spent a wonderful afternoon working with some horses. It was a bright day and I was wearing my sun glasses. My regular glasses where in a case which I assumed I had left in my car. That evening, up in the mountains, I couldn’t find them. I asked if I had left them in my friend’s office after the horse work. She said no. So I was left a bit more in the dark than usual that evening.

Several more investigations of the car did not discover them, even after I removed all the rest of my gear from the backseat. The next morning I looked all over for the case. Perhaps it had fallen out of my back pocket? They were not out in the field where I lay in the long grass. They were not in the lost and found, or the arena where we worked with the horses. They were not in the grass where I had parked my car.

Finally I gave up, but checked my car one more time. Not in the back, again. But as I climbed in to look between the front seats, I glanced across the passenger seat, and there, down by the door post, I saw a corner sticking out.

While I had been looking all over outside, they were right at home in my car. While some times you have to look in the dark for your keys, the only place you can look for the Light is in your own heart. It is there all the time, even if you don’t see it at first. My clear glasses where in my own space the whole time, not in the field or the barn.

This morning I lay in bed meditating on the light in my heart. Later I went up the mountain again, and under a crystal blue sky I found myself entranced by the amazingly beautiful world around me. My heart, wide open, danced with the world. When you find your Light inside, then it is reflected back from everything outside as well.

(© 6/2014)

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