Every so often you may find a headline that says something like “Successful Businessman Commits Suicide”.
This begs the question: if he was so successful, why did he commit suicide? Leaving aside the various possibilities of movie thriller drama, we come to potential conflicts between social and personal success.
We know many definitions of success having to do with money, fame, beauty, power etc. External measures that are the result of efforts on the public stage. We are taught to strive for this success, and to at least present the appearance of it. Some of us do a pretty good job. Or we may give up and go for couch potato land, but we are still buying into the same definition, even as we decry it.
How much space is there collectively or personally for a different sense of success; one which is based on being happy, on feeling appreciation for ourselves and our life? How many George Bailey’s are there out there in real life, in the 21st century?
Several years ago I did a short reading for a man who seemed to be quiet successful in the conventional sense, while I hardly thought of myself that way; and yet I found myself giving him permission to do what he wanted to do in his heart! Something that for all his success, or perhaps because of it? he couldn’t do for himself.
The Chinese have an old saying that you shouldn’t refer to a man as having a good life, until he has had a good death. When we consider ourselves such failures that we decide to leave early, can we be said to have had a good life, not matter how “successful” we have been?
On the other hand, like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, when we buy into the material sense of success, how often do we judge ourselves harshly in spite of having had a good life in an inner sense, in a quieter sense?
Spiritually, communally, perhaps a simple quiet life, is a triumph, a great success; especially if we can own it for ourselves. To live a long life without substantial regrets; to love another for 40 or 50 years; to raise children and know your grandchildren; to be willing to help others in practical matters, share one’s enthusiasm, work hard and practice patience; are these not a form of inner, perhaps even spiritual, success.
Most importantly; to live by one’s own standards, whatever they are, to take life on one’s own terms, and measure success by the impulses of your own heart, is this not what we come here to do? Perhaps this leads to being a CEO, or perhaps it is being a janitor, a nurse, a parent, or many things in between, but to be a contented human being on one’s own terms is not an easy feat! To quietly put aside the striving and simply model being present as a kind and happy human being, seems also a courageous and admirable way to live.
May you find the grace to appreciate who you are and be content with the calling of your own heart. You will greatly enrich all our lives.
For my Father
(© 5/2009)
