I have a story teller in my head. Do you?
I’m getting ready to go to a party, something I haven’t done in a while. A friend has invited me, but I don’t expect to know any one else. In my mind I’m telling myself stories from high school, with the theme of being a wall flower.
I’m heading for a meeting with some friends. We are going to have a little food and work on some plans for a program we are co-creating. My story teller is working through every time I am ignored, out of place, somehow not really part of a group.
My son is coming home from school, and I’m running stories about how we don’t have anything to say, or I say the wrong things; or ignore him because I’m afraid that I’ll say the wrong things, or …. The story teller is prolific.
Years ago: I’m in Hong Kong flying back to Tokyo the next day, and my story teller is creating the next great airplane disaster movie, and I’m trying to decided if this is a premonition or just the story teller spinning yarns.
Sometimes I’m pissed at the story teller, sometimes I buy it. Over the years I figure he is just trying to keep me safe, by making up all these fearful scenes. After all, I was taught growing up that the world is a scary place (not that it isn’t at times) and that somehow being scared, or figuring out the awful things that might happen will help me out?
I’ve met others who had an inner part that had a similar assignment; keeping files on all the nasty things that might happen in life. Perhaps you know this part?
These days I know that what I think has power in the world. Not sure exactly how much, but it does have power, especially when it’s backed with an emotional charge.
If I show up at a party or meeting expecting emotionally unpleasant things to happen, feeling down on myself, is this likely to help me? or perhaps to create the states of being ignored, or un-received that the story teller is conjuring up? Even if they were real sometime, then isn’t now.
So today I’m working with my story teller to create positive stories, ones that I can feel good about. They may not happen (any more than the plane disaster) but at least I’ll be happier, and being happier I’m more likely to create something that feels good.
So I walk into the party as me, centering in myself, ready for an adventure with some new human beings, minus the nasty stories, the old disappointments, and I have a good time.
On the way to my meeting I can feel my mood shifting, and when I get there I find myself actually celebrated rather than ignored. We have a great time co-creating and hanging out.
As for my son.. we’ll see, but I am going to find my space, let go of the old voices and have my story teller come up with some wonderful scenes for the summer ahead.
If your stories are working for you, God bless you. But if you have a story teller that feels life has to be film noir, try negotiating an attitude adjustment. The next time you notice yourself “rehearsing”something, ask him or her to create the best story that they can come up with: give them a creative challenge, and if even a fraction of your stories come true, you’ll have a wonderful summer.
And if there is a part of you that “can’t believe it”, make it a game of “make believe”, and create some new beliefs. At least you can choose a more pleasant in-flight movie.
(© 5/2009)
