In life, sometimes things flow and sometimes it feels like you are wading upstream. I love to swim and generally do so regularly. This past winter, having gotten sick for a while and then faced with cold weather and an outdoor pool, I managed to get out of the habit. This month as the weather has gotten sporadically warmer, my illness long past, I’ve been feeling it was time to get back in the water. Yet I found myself facing an internal resistance.
Something I love to do, that helps me stay fit physically and emotionally, and yet I had to move through emotional inertia and anxiety to get back to an old habit. Perhaps because it was a substantial practice and I was hesitant to recommit at the level that I had been swimming last year. Not that anyone was asking me to, but I have an internal expectation about what swimming means as a commitment to myself.
How often do we pull back from some action because we believe that by taking it we would be making a commitment that is larger than we can afford to? All I really want, or need, right now is a little time in the water, where I can let go of the tension and emotion of the day and find a measure of peace. I hesitate to commit to today, a short swim on a sunny afternoon, because I hesitate to commit to swimming 4 or 5 times a week for the next few months. I am wading into a small stream but it feel like swimming up a raging river.
I have seen this in groups where there is a collective project to which people would like to contribute, but they hold back because that have a picture that they must make a larger commitment than they are comfortable with. When everyone does this nothing happens. Often if everyone honestly spoke to how much they are comfortable with committing to, there would be enough involvement to complete the project and probably more so.
It seems human to believe, or assume, that commitment is all or nothing. Rather than being honest with ourselves about what level is comfortable, sustainable, or in alignment with our heart, and offering that, we walk away, assuming it will not be enough. It might not be, and the other parties will have a chance to speak their side, but you have not lost by offering something rather than nothing. There may also be times when we need to go beyond our comfort zone, but only if we are practiced at being clear with ourselves we can make this choice consciously and accept the outcome. Overcommitting without conscious consideration is usually problematic in the long run, for all parties.
Becoming clear in your heart about what you are comfortable with, you know what to ask for or offer, to yourself or to others, what you can commit to authentically. With this knowledge you can look at your mental assumptions, habits, and beliefs. Notice when you are making the prospect larger (or smaller) than it needs to be. Are these expectations real or illusionary, negotiable or absolute?
Weighing overextension and withdrawal honestly opens the vast middle ground of engagement that matches your heart, and invites others to match theirs. You can show up in your life more authentically, being honest with yourself and others, making commitments that you keep because your heart is in them, rather than for some mental expectation or belief.
Free from unnecessary resistance you will find yourself flowing downstream more and struggling upstream less.
(© 3/2013)
