Have you ever seen a movie where a character faces a confusing emotional situation and in dialogue with another character, or talking out loud, asks “how am I supposed to feel?” Sometimes its more of a statement, in response to someone questioning their reaction. Perhaps you’ve said this yourself, or had it said to you?
How often are we confronted with a situation that is unexpected or outside of our usual experience and we find ourselves thinking about how we are supposed to feel? Often this is so fast that its hard to spot, we drop into the a feeling in response not to the experience but in response to a thought about how we are supposed to react. Even if we take time to consider,the mind tends to look outside for answers and guidance, leading us further from our own truth and giving our power away.
The trouble with the “supposed to” feelings is that they are driven by social programs, analytical reasoning, unconscious stories; all mental pictures. This thought out emotion is often at variance with our actually feelings, which are often different than we expect, or what is socially approved. When your true emotions are pushed underground they come out sideways, or hobble your ability to follow your conscious intentions. Like all elements of the subconscious we come to deny they are even there, rather than taking care of ourselves by acknowledging them and resolving them.
Even if we sit with ourselves and ask, “what am I feeling?” it is amazing how quickly the mind jumps in to dial up the emotion it thinks should be there. Avoiding uncertainty, it also suppresses some emotions, to keep things simple, denying the fact that as human beings we can feel more than one thing at a time. We give ourselves little permission to be genuinely conflicted or torn between multiple emotional reactions.
Try sitting quietly, without expectation, and check into what you are feeling, as a simple sensation in your body. If some emotions make you uncomfortable, you may notice your mind wanting to talk them away or fix them before you can really experience them. Let this go. It is a protective mechanism, but it also inhibits the resolution of old things, and the freedom that comes with being ok with experiencing even the “unpleasant” emotions. Gently practicing feeling into your body and allowing the energies that are vibrating there, the emotions that are alive, to be present, without story, or judgement, will not actually hurt you. Importantly it allows emotional energy to flow and move, to dissipate and transform. It opens up a whole world of information that your body is constantly offering for guidance, developing constructive relationships with even sorrow, fear, and anger.
Cultivating the simple question: “what am I feeling?” without any “should”s, leads to a deep emotional freedom where you are no longer at the affect of your mind’s attempt’s to figure your emotions. You are free to be emotionally alive in the present, without fear or resistance, owning your emotional body and gaining the power of emotional presence, unity of being, and a clear, clean, emotional guidance system.
(© 3/2013)
