The other day, as I swam, I found myself stuck in ferocious planning, mulling over a problem like a dog chasing its tail or the proverbial hamster running on a wheel. My mind was racing while emotionally I was in anxiety, each feeding the other. Not that I wasn’t having good thoughts, but they were something I could do later just as well, and they were pulling me away from being present with my swimming.
Trying to find a gap in the feedback to step out and let go, I felt into what part of me was so anxious and came to an energy like a child that is resisting sleep, wound up like a whirlwind, until it finally falls over. Accepting and holding that energy I gave him permission to relax, to sleep for the moment, until the time when all that energy and creativity would be useful in a future present tense.
While there are times when inspiration strikes and it is good to get down at least the outlines of a new idea, there are more times, when being present with something or someone else is important. Then it is worthwhile trusting yourself to come back to a topic later and be just as clever and insightful as you are right now. Cultivating your self trust is important in stepping out of the monkey mind that wants to solve all of your problems right now, or at least before you go to sleep. This is especially true when that inner child wants to have game plan out into a future that you haven’t arrived at yet and can’t really plan for anyway.
There is a balance here, but the fear driven worry sort of planning, where you review things over and over, or have a conversation repeatedly, is not really very helpful, while it is quite draining. Implicit in this sort of worry is the sense that you have to do it all yourself, and if the universe does anything it is more likely to mess things up than to give you a hand. It often also involves a lack of self trust; that you are not capable of planning as things come along, or competent to handle situations as they arise. This type of planning is a way for the mind to handle fear. “When you don’t trust the universe or yourself, its better to be doing something, even if its not truly useful, eh?”
When the Sufi’s dance, the spinning is a way of letting go, dropping under, centering. When you are spinning you have to let go of the outer world, or you make yourself sick, and focus on yourself, your center, finding what is arising there in the present. If you find that anxious or excited child there, make space for her/him and love it, inviting it to release its fears. You are likely to find that that inner child is really glad not to have to worry any more.
Feel how you are supported by the universe, your higher self, guides and angels. Create the space to be in the present and trust that you will handle the future magically when it shows up. You will find that there is actually more room for your true creativity, for deep inspiration and beautiful design.
(© 3/2012)
