Did you ever take social dancing classes in school? We had them in the 8th grade. I remember the large dance hall we met at, outside of normal school time and space, and the lines of boys and girls on either side of the room. I expect we were dressed up. I know we were nervous. Looking back there were two key elements. The dances had a form and you did them with a partner. What I learned in those evening classes I used only a handful of times at later school dances. The lack of partners being the significant factor.
On another night, sometime in my third year of college, I realized that I didn’t need a partner, I didn’t really need form, I just needed to listen to the music and do what felt good. So I gave myself permission to dance by myself, with myself. I loved the music and it spoke to my body and they created the dance together. As I danced I would come alive, to a place of presence and joy.
I saw this aliveness in other dancers and they saw it in me. We would then create a larger dance that we both gave to and drew out of. The best dancing grows out of letting the music call out the aliveness inside me, when the body is loose and flowing with the sound and rhythm, it produces a graceful form that inhabits the music and expresses the soul. When the music was over, or even when the inspiration passed we would go back to our individual dances or find other partners. The inner harmony can be shared with others who also know it, but it and the sense of well-being comes first and abides after.
In the present I am learning that all relationships can be like this. Wanting others to dance with, to approve of us, before we let ourselves go, we hold our aliveness back and experience a lack of connection, we give up, or put up defensive walls. We become internal wall-flowers, who naturally feel threatened and vulnerable when we try to open up. The thought comes: will we always be disappointed with our connections to others because they can never be as deep as our inner connection to our true self? which a part of you always remembers.
Developing your inner relationship, you will find internal harmony, and acting from that place you can be happy and at peace. As on the dance floor, there will be others to co-create with, to share the dance. Those who remember how to dance their own joy will join you. You can also share this state with others, who may not quite remember yet. Your dance will speak to the part of them that knows, calling forth their own Self to join with them and perhaps with you. This is how the deep relationships come about. Dancing the dance of deep being with yourself and sharing that with others.
Remember the last time you looked deeply in the eyes of a child and felt your Self open and become present. Does it matter if you start to smile first, or they do? soon you are one big joint smile, soul to soul. This is making Love, dancing life with the world, with others. This is the beautiful dance we came to Earth to embody. Dance alive in yourself and you won’t dance alone for long.
(© 8/2012)
